|
I tend to agree (probably not surprisingly because we're both goddamn "old") with Boredalt...but not because I have anything against Aestu, but because I used to have too much in common with him.
I've been in the "I'm smarter than you" phase with all the nitwit educators patting me on the head because they knew I was smarter than they were. It doesn't take a lot to be smarter than the average educator, who spends God knows how much money on a degree and hours in schooling to get out and be paid like a janitor. I grew out of it...but before I did, the only difference between the "bullies" who beat me up and myself was how we hit each other. I honestly did start the shit most of the time. They usually finished it, but that usually took a while and made all of us look like assholes, since most of them were twice my size, and I could take a beating while still running my fat mouth.
There was one time they didn't finish it. I wish it hadn't happened. It was enough that I got over myself and quit making fun of "dumb rednecks" and antagonizing people that didn't need any extra abuse heaped on them.
I recognize the smug, self-satisfied sense of undeserved superiority, and I hate seeing it in you, Ethan, because it used to be mine. It was never any good for me, or for most people around me, and I doubt it's very good for you, either. The same with blaming your parents for your issues. I mended things with my mother before she died, thankfully. I still don't know how to do that with my dad, and he's the one I owe the biggest apology to out of the two. He was a high school drop-out with a crappy job who was the reflection of all the people in school I thought I was better than. You can guess how I treated him. Hindsight being 20/20, I didn't realize until after I had my own son forced on me by some horrible, desperate idiot what he had given up in life. I know he and my mother loved each other, but I can also do math. I was definitely an "oops." What plans did he have that a family interrupted? I don't know, but I knew what mine were. He worked a shit job and worked for himself on the side from the time he married my mother (six months before I was born) until shortly after my mother passed away and he finally quit the shit job and just worked for himself and did what he wanted.
My father may not be a genius, but he is clever and wise, and in general a better man than most I've met, and I treated him like shit for the better part of my life. You're doing the same thing. Hopefully you grow out of your own bullshit, but when you do, you're going to realize at some point what a prat you've been to your parents and you're going to regret it.
Boredalt's also more than a little right about how you treat Cally. You see something you want and decide you can't have it, so you tear it down instead. No one is that focused on anyone who is as pointless and undeserving as you try to make us believe you think she is. You're fucking obsessed with her, and can't let anything she posts pass without some kind of a vile comment. It's not just her. You were just fine with Zaryi until your botched and embarrassing interpersonal interaction, then you suddenly had all sorts of terrible things to say about her. She was adequate enough for you to let things progress to naked fun times, but once that went badly and you were embarrassed and thought she thought less of you, she was just another nice thing you had to destroy because you didn't think you could have her anymore. That's pretty messed up.
You say you are "nonconfrontational," but what about your subway story or your many stories about cops and passersby where you "stand up for yourself/what's right?"
I didn't take the college path like you did. It was probably better for me in the long run just because I wasn't surrounded by a bunch of self-important morons who thought 'uneducated' people were less than they were. You've already earned a degree, go get a commission and serve a few years in the military. You don't even need to do anything dangerous. If you do, just do this one thing: shut up and listen. Take the advice of the 'uneducated' senior enlisted guy who really runs whatever division you're supposed to be overseeing. Solicit that advice, even. I know your view of the military, and you're right, it doesn't convey any special status or sainthood on those who serve, but it can put you in some places where you can see how the rubber actually hits the road and disabuse yourself of some of the ivory tower ideas that bog down your thinking. If you do go to the dangerous places, take the exotic jobs...the things that are actually mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging, you're going to see the world in its purest form. It's going to be humbling. You're going to be surrounded by people who are at or above your own level, and you're going to have a hard time thinking that you're special anymore.
You should try it...or something like it. You're in a rut and you're not growing as a person. You need to do something that isn't what you've been doing.
Maybe you should start by expressing some gratitude to your parents instead of trying to make them feel guilty about their "obligation" to support a grown man.
Your Pal,
Jubber
AKA "The Gun"
AKA "ROFeraL"
World Renowned Mexican Forklift Artiste
|
