Kayllaira wrote:
This sounds like story time.
For you, okay lol.
Alright, what is about to be told is the long ass story of my aweful relationship with my high school crush and just how blind love can really make you. Don't judge me, it was my first real relationship!
Little information:
We're both 23
She has a 1-2 year old (turned two around the time we broke up, cute kid)
I was still re-learning to drive at this point (so she did most of the driving) and my job sucks
She lost her job like 2-3 weeks into us dating so up until the last 2-3 months of the relationship, I had to pay for everything with what money I did have.
Her exs, none of them did anything with her. Not even the baby's father. She did everything alone. However, she expected me to do everything with her and for the most part I did. Took her on dates (she had never been on a real date before) and had good times with her. Even went and stayed the weekends with her at her grandparents house (her grandma is really cool as is her grandpa, used to help her grandma with video games cause that's what she did).
Throughout the relationship I told her we should break up because it'd be better for the both of us (even though it wasn't what I wanted) but she never listened.
I'll try to make this a short and sweet as possible. (lol nope)
I met her in High School (about 06-07), when I first saw her I fell madly in love with her and even had the courage to ask her out and she gave me her number.
Like a week later, she told my friend I was stalking her and that I should stay away from her (I wasn't stalking her, I found out she had class three doors down from mine and started walking with her, you know like a normal couple would do I'd assume).
Anyways, at this point I'm crushed and don't know how to handle myself socially very well so I do as requested and refuse to correct her. I cried (it was a deep powerful man cry) that day for one of the first times in a long time (This would also be the last time I cried or got anywhere close to angry for 5-6 years) and took a nap. I awoke with a new feeling and started living my life a lot more openly than I had in the past and I made new friends and grew as a person.
Over the next 7ish years, she always kept a place in my heart that I couldn't get rid of, just forever burned into my soul. I truly still cared for her.
I sent her a message in 2010 thanking her for breaking me like that because it forced me to grow and made me the person I am today (in fact, I probably wouldn't even be here or on WoW at all if not for her) because I had just talked a suicidal friend down and was just generally in a good place in life and she was the main cause of all that in my eyes. I was sincerly thankful.
May of last year, she apparently finally reads my message, at this point she's been with some guy on and off for roughly 5 years, she didn't think she could get pregnant so they tried for lulz and boom, she did. So they've been broken up for a while and just trying to keep the relationship together for the kid but they're finally done. Anyways, she's ecstatic to know more about me seeing that I've change a lot over the years (like a fucking lot). We start talking and decide to hangout and hit it off immidiately. Having a small child in the picture makes it hard but I'm up for the challenge, in fact the kid loves me and her family is amazed at how she would just go to me all the time when something was wrong (I've been told I'd make a great dad but fk dat shiii).
Now here I'll just give you the footnotes of what transpired of the next 7ish months:
A month in, she's still talking to her baby's dad on a more than friendly basis, I tell her she's playing us both and that she has to pick because it isn't fair to me or to him. She chooses me.
Not too long after that I inadvertently find a topless picture of her that I haven't seen before. I investigate and find that she sent it to the baby's dad right after she took it. I ask her about the picturr and she tells me she took it but never sent it (obviously lying). So I say fair enough and give her the next week to stop being scared and just give me the truth. A week passes and I confront her once more. I tell her that if she tells me the truth I can forgive her and that I need her to be 100% sure there's nothing she's not telling me. "Nothing to tell". So I bust out the facts, tell her that they picture is timestamped and shit and she sticks to her guns that she never sent it, so I tell her I'm going to hang up and that she's to check the timestamps and call me back (I was in Tampa for work at this point). 30 seconds later she calls me sobbing and apologetic having been caught red handed she can no longer try and lie about it. I try to break up with her but I just can't do it, I still love her too much.
Somewhere in the first couple of months (whenever Hangover 2 came out) I broke up with her because of still talking to her ex and so she tries to kill herself (well it supposedly wouldn't have killed her but that's what she told me she was going to do and she became unresponsive, once again in Tampa for work, she freaks out like this everytime I'd go to Tampa for a few days), anyways, I get worried try calling one of her friends and no answer, he's a dick. So I have my friends go over to her house and find the place and wake up her family to go in there and make sure she's okay. She ends up taking an ambulance to the hospital and then gets baker act'd.
All the while we're together, she likes to hangout with her ex boyfriends cause they're some of the only friend's she has. I understand and even though I don't like it I let her hangout with them, sometimes with her sometimes by herself under the condition that, because I'm a guy and I'm natually going to worry, that she text me or something like every 30 minutes or so, not asking much I don't think all things considered. Needless to say, she doesn't do that, at all. Now I should point out that over time, they all grew to hate her and stopped hanging out with her.
One time, she was hanging out with one of her exs (wasn't really an ex, was just a friend and they used to have sex and he was madly in love with her but she never felt the same, you know how that goes). Anyways, she gets drunk and calls me asking if it's okay if she stays at his place for the night because she doesn't feel safe driving. I tell her it's fine and to call me in the morning. The next day, she tells me that she "kinda" slept in his bed but that nothing happened (I can safely assume nothing happened but who really knows). I ask her how the fuck that happened and she tells me "Oh well he told me I could have the bed and then he got in the bed to so I told him I could sleep on the couch but he told me I was fine and then I was just so tired I went to sleep". You know, flawless logic. I get upset at this and spend the next day or so arguing with her and her sister about how it isn't okay for that to happen while they say it is (is it okay?).
I forgive her and take her word and move on because once again I love her.
The next couple of months are okay, we have occasional fights because she doesn't know how to properly communicate (her last relationship was "I'm mad let's break things" which I won't do). Happy times are generally had. I spend like all my time with her at her dad's house and spend a lot of time with her family in general (giving up time with my family as well as my hobbies and friends). I constantly apologize to her family for her behavior because she won't and they always tell me it's not me, it's just her and that she's just crazy. At one point, we were fighting because I didn't want her to get pregnant (we had been dating for 5 months) and her family just looked at me as she stormed off and asked me why I put up with her and I told them "...because I love her...". The only response they could muster was "We feel bad for you.".
In the last couple of months, her 17 year old sister gets pregnant and drops out of school (after mocking my ex and telling her that she wasn't going to be stupid like her and get pregnant). My ex finds a good job, buys a new car (her ex literally stole her other one) and things are looking up. We had a fight over something stupid like I had to house sit and couldn't spend the weekend with her or because I wouldn't let her drive to Tampa to pick me up (I didn't want her car getting fucked up and her not be able to pick up her kid or go to and from work). Anyways, we break up again and I try not to talk to her.
I finally decide I'm willing to give it one more shot. She tells me she has to come clean, that it happened when we broken up before I decided to give it another shot. She ended up sleeping with a guy she probably shouldn't have slept with (he was of legal age, just a very poor choice) I tell her that I understand what was going on and took a lot of the blame myself. I explain to her that we were broken up and that she did nothing wrong and that I appreciated her giving me the truth. We move passed it and get back together. All is well.
So we get into a fight one night, we were supposed to have dinner but a small child got hit by a car on the way and I had to stay because I was a witness. She got pissed off and was mad at me and I got mad at her lack of compassion or understanding, I get home and she's the anyways. I've eaten and she hasn't (she told me she was going to eat) and so now she's also mad about that. Anyways, I finally get her to move passed it all and we're happy again.
So then, not even a week later, we had a fight because I told her I was spending the night with my dad (who lives in Georgia and I hadn't seen in 6 months) and we break up. This is the last time I saw her.
I finally got what I wanted. However, when she tells me she met someone else, I panic and my heart takes control again. I try to get her back but fail because I rush it (for the best imo) but at least I could say I tried. Over the next couple of days, as the heartbreak really sets in, I stop eating and sleeping. I force myself to drink lots of water and on the fourth day I finally start eating and sleeping again. I think this thread was made the 2nd day of not eating or sleeping.
Anyways, I slowly got over her and got better control of my emotions again, found out like 7 people like me/have crushes on me. I started working out again and am preparing for college now. I'm generally happier. All is well.
She calls me last night, 3am, crying and scared because she's lost. My friend and I get her unlost and I spend the next 20 or so minutes on the phone keeping her company. She tells me that, in the short span of time we were broken up, a rod in her car blew (she sucked at taking car of the oil) so her car is out of commission, you know, like I was scared was going to happen. Her mom has moved in (she finally got her own place) even though she doesn't want her to, again, I'm not there to say "Well just say no". We talk awhile about how we were and all is well, friendshipwise. I used to joke with her about how I was one of the top 10 guys she slept with (at the time I was the 7th one to have slept with her) and so she'd always try to correct me that there were only 7. I jokingly say to her that she better watch out cause she's getting dangerously close to me being in the real top 10. She grows silent and tells me that she's slept with 2 more guys since then.
Now, I'm going to take this time to say that, she's slept with 10 guys. 8 of which were all in our friend circle in high school. Literally making her way slowly though all of them.
At this point, I feel like I've gotten my closure. I am able to stop seeing her as my girlfriend or someone I love but as a person. A horrible person. It is at this point that my penis feels only shame and would probably commit Seppuku if it had hands and a knife.
All that being said and done. I feel remotely bad for her and the guy she started seeing. All I can hope is that all the work I put into her (communication, decision making, etc) will pay off and he'll have it easier than I did. I truly hope she ends up happy but at this point, I frankly don't care.
I blocked her number because I've realized she has nothing to offer me nor me her. She's the type of person who only talks to you when she needs something and I just don't need that in my life.
I think i got everything, or at least most of it that's important. Maybe I'm the asshole and that's just how relationships are but having aspergers and being thrown into a god damn heroic level relationship in quest greens I think I did okay. Like I said, maybe I'm just wrong. I should also point out that through all of this, I never raised my voice at her or swore at her or called her names nor did I ever lay a finger on her despite her doing some of those same things.
/end rant
