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Because I am often praised and it frustrates me when contrasted with the fruitlessness of my efforts and how I am so often at odds with my peers.
So in essence you are pissed at the world because people praise you when you feel like you are doing nothing?
So you feel like you shouldn't be praised. Well perception is both ways, while you feel like you aren't doing much. That musician you gave money to may consider you a saint by that one act.
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I wasn't expecting her to be so shrewd or insightful. I think that to be a good person you must recognize and embrace the evil within you. The opposite is to be arrogantly self-righteous.
To see the evil within is not the same as embracing or wallowing in it. You seem to let your perception of the evil within you consume you. It is evident in most of your posts.
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This corroborates with their general behavior of not understanding the realities of my life. It's part of a much larger chain of events.
I won't claim to know what happened to you in life. But I am sure you are aware of the saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." If your greater purpose in life is to succeed or better yourself and they are providing the bridge are they not in a sense getting that understanding? They contribute whether they believe or not, which means they have enough faith in you to let you decide your own fate.
I can't tell if you see it as pity money or not, and that is why you resorted to cutting up the money (which surprised me of you) you generally aren't a very rash or childlike. Yet that act shows that in your anger you flee back to impulses that are childish in this case.
Almost as a spoiled boy who would break the birthday present he didn't want because he didn't get his way.
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Isn't that what this story is about?
If it was, then the story fails miserably. You didn't put your judgments aside, quite the contrary, they were instead proven wrong. To put them aside would be to not judge at all.
For someone like you the task will be almost impossible, you are very reflective, must always have the 'truth' or what you see as the truth. Otherwise you write it off as someone being stupid, or so it seems.
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Because - separate from the insult - it is not a pretty thing to rob a man of his dignity by overpowering him. It's like kicking a dog.
In a sense you did rob him of his dignity. Why? Maybe because society teaches you that obesity is unacceptable, well in a time so was homosexuality, guys with long hair so on and so forth. That isn't really the perfect comparison but your actions show that you were intentionally mean for what I would consider no reason. Had he been chewing in your ear and he not stopped after you asked him that would be one thing. But you instead insulted him for what? Because you thought it was a witty comment or the Aestu in you would help him?
You can't help the world if you hate it yourself. Remember that and you might actually turn things around for yourself.
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I don't mind, quite the opposite. I think my answer would have to be that it is frustrating that others often seem to only see limited, conflicting portions of a much larger picture, whether people who praise me to high heaven or people convinced I'm a snake egg. The truth is both and neither.
I don't think one way or the other, it isn't my right to judge or to think myself any better than another. I am me, I provide for my family and I try to be the best husband/father/brother/son/friend w.e anyone may see me as to make my life and others as enjoyable as possible.
You speak of a larger picture, your indecisiveness only leads me to believe you yourself don't see the larger picture. Again that is not said with malice, if your 'bigger' picture consists of BP's oil spill it is not very big at all even if it does touch thousands or millions of lives.
The world is a big place, a man/woman can do as little or as much as they want based on their own determination. I firmly believe that. If you want to make the world better and you have the will/drive I hope that you succeed. I think you need to figure out a plan of attack before setting out though.