I stopped by a luggage store. I was looking to buy a case for my new Nintendo DS.
A voice from behind the counter asked, "Looking for anything in particular, sir?" in a thick Indian-sounding accent. I glanced in that direction. The proprietor was sitting on a stool deep below the counter; only his hair was visible. I looked through the cheap imported baggage, mostly leather, for something that I could use.
A bit of searching and I found a perfectly sized pouch. Brand new, only $5! I took it to the counter. The proprietor came into view - wide face, looked vaguely Chinese but with swarthier skin. I asked him, matter-of-factly,
"What culture are you from?"
"Cambodia."
"Aaah."
Five dollars. He did not charge tax. I paid in cash, easy enough. "You?" "I'm from Sacramento." "Sacramento...?" "California." "I see, you've come quite a way!" "You're one to talk!" We chatted a bit.
But leaving the place I had deep buyer's remorse:
I had purchased a brand-new LEATHER carry case. LEATHER. I couldn't stop thinking of all the helpless critters that died to make the tote case for my DS. Unable to bear the guilt trip from the logo,
I removed it.
I wasn't just disturbed at how my purchase supported the driving of the dinosaurs and other species to extinction, so that their remains could be ruthlessly pumped out of the ground, like a perverse inversion of a phallus using a woman, exploited to create polyester fibers. The guy who sold me this thing was CAMBODIAN. And he didn't charge me tax. He's probably funnelling the revenue to the Khmer Rouge. I mean, come on, he's from CAMBODIA and DOESN'T CHARGE TAX. Do I bear responsibility not only for the deaths of all those innocent saurians, but also countless Cambodian peasants? Have I hypocritically betrayed my vegetarian anti-leather ideals?
Anyway, the case fits my DS system well, and has a nice comfortable strap. And I think $5 was a very good price. So I guess that much was a success.
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Continuing along home, I saw
a Canadianist propaganda poster.
Just like in 1984 - with the intense, staring eyes that seem to be staring directly at the viewer, no matter the direction from which the poster is viewed. Classic Canadianist-style totalitarian propaganda.
It's a sign of our times - the systematic infiltration and subversion of all that is good and American by Canadianist propaganda, Canadianist culture, Canadianist dietary goods, all in an effort to constrict our veins, our pulmonary systems, and ultimately our very airpipes with Canadianist grease.
No doubt the establishment displaying this Canadianist propaganda poster, complete with Feminist iconography, is an outpost, a cell, of hardcore Canadianism. Today it's Canadianist food, tomorrow it's Canadianist women, the day after that it's Canadianist socialized medical care and Canadianist mass transit. The ultimate goal of these Canadianist subversives is to see the Red Leaf flying over good American cities from Boston to San Francisco.
This isn't my first brush with the international Canadianist conspiracy. Growing up in Sacramento, the local airport was renamed at one point, from the Sacramento Metropolitan Airport to the Sacramento International Airport, with "international" service to only one other country: Canadia. The change of name, emphasizing the "INTERNATIONAL", was obviously an allusion meant to legitimize the INTERNATIONAL Canadianist conspiracy and their systematic infiltration of American air travel.
Of course this was long before the establishment of the TSA, so perhaps the tide has turned. We're very fortunate to have those good people protecting this great country against Canadianist air travel terrorism.
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Arriving home, I performed
life-saving surgery on a Roman Centurion, setting a fractured spine and correcting damage to the ulterior of the cranium. The surgery was successful and I transferred the centurion to rear-echelon duty while the fracture closed, guarding
the newly constructed granaries at the very frontier of my realm.
In their callous perfidity, Zaryi and other brown-skinned people had refused to aid me in my desperate search for condiment grinders, refused to accept my offer of a Shadowmourne and other goods in exchange for such a thing. So I was compelled to pay an
utterly outrageous price for a pair of salt and pepper grinders. Thankfully, the investment is well-protected, as I planned all along.
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I am very bored and depressed. I would like to have more sex.
