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RICHMOND, VA - At a town hall meeting with supporters, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney unveiled a controversial proposal which Democrats are lambasting as "inhumane", "irresponsible", and "barbaric", but declared "absolutely vital for the restoration of America's greatness".
"I've made it my business to relate to the troubles of ordinary Americans," boomed Romney, looking somewhat tired but determined after a busy week of campaigning. "And what I see, is the most common sort of trouble that Americans encounter in their lives, is stupid people.
"Bureaucrats in Washington refuse to do anything about...the pestilence of stupid people in America. Today, no longer. I have always been proud to maintain a proactive stance on the right of every American to defend him or herself, and as President I fully intend to extend that to defense against stupidity."
In a series of PowerPoint slides and short videos, Romney laid out his proposal for what he called the "War On Stupidity". Under Romney's plan, "proactive self-defense against acts of gratuitous stupidity" would be considered justifiable homicide. "You ever see someone pull way into the middle of the intersection to make a turn? Or sign the customer copy of a credit card receipt? Or wipe their feet on the way out of a building? Those people, ladies and gentlemen, are what is wrong with America. And with your help, we're going to change that."
Democrats were not impressed by Romney's plan.
"It's monstrous," said Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA). "This is just another case of Mitt Romney saying whatever he thinks will get him votes and giving no thought to the most vulnerable in our society. Hasn't he ever heard the saying, 'Life is hard, but it's harder when you're stupid'? Well, Mr Romney, let me tell you - life is very hard for these Americans."
"I think it's just a last-ditch effort to turn an election he knows he's going to lose in his favor," said Jason Hunter, 32, an unemployed construction worker who attended the town hall "as a favor for a friend". Jason describes himself as an "undecided voter," with the caveat that, "I'm not stupid, and if I voted for Romney's proposal, I don't think I'd be voting against my interests."
