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So, I occasionally will tell a story about some CRAZY event or circumstance. See: the Warsong Gulch story I told a couple weeks ago. By the way, I think the mods deleted it, and I lost my personal copy of it, so if anyone happened to save that, let me know. It was a good story. =(
Anyway, I'll share a story here periodically.
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This is a story I started writing about trying to do Sethekk Halls naked after getting hacked last week. I didn't really feel like finishing it, and some parts are good but it's not as good overall as my Warsong Gulch story. I wasn't going to post it on here, but I showed it to Lucinth and he said he would put it on here if I didn't.
Hope you enjoy it.
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Hey guys, it's time for another of Tiggar's stories. Settle down around the campfire, kids, and stop poking each other with your marshmallow-toasting sticks. ...if you know what I mean...
So, you may or may not know at this point that I got hacked. On Friday night last. My stuff has not been restored yet, but Blizzard says they're on it and I trust them. (In the mean time, the "Mail Tiggarius Some BoE Greens So He Can Do His Dailies" Fund is now taking donations!) However, it has made for some zany adventures when I've logged in and talked to people.
For example, there was the time when some guy poked me in front of Orgrimmar bank and said my gear was bad. Or that time when my guildies asked me to do some stuff and I couldn't. Pretty crazy, right? Or that time when some female character stared at me for like 5 minutes and finally whispered "You're naked." I'll let you make your own jokes for that one.
But this story is about my adventure today (Editor's note: this was...Thursday night...I think...). I felt like doing Sethekk Halls. Heroic. I know perfectly well by now that the raven mount does not exist; Tiggar has run it at least a hundred times and never seen it. But it gave me something to do. But could I do it naked? Would the arakkoas laugh at me? I HAD TO FIND OUT.
So, I still had a few pieces that couldn't be disenchanted by the hacker. Namely, my weapon, offhand, cloak and ashen ring. I also had three pieces of furious kodohide and a piece of relentless dragonhide. Using this mischmasch of gear, I had an amazing 2000 spellpower...but only 12k armor. Now, at last, I would get the thrill of knowing what it was like to be BAD at the game. To wear greens. To get 2-shot. I would live among the bads, and learn their ways, then film a fascinating documentary, thereby validating all that time I spent in sociology class with that really old professor who can't keep track of how much of the lecture he's gotten through.
My daydreaming was ended abruptly as an arakkoa talon carved its way through my meager garments and into my flesh. Quickly I shifted into Moonkin form to use my mighty feathers as a shield. Or something. The 12k armor is IN MOONKIN FORM so I probably had like 3k in caster. I was vaguely hoping that the arakkoas would hail my Moonkin as their king or something, but that didn't happen. I realized why: they already had one. A giant raven-dinosaur named Annie Zhu or something. I think I went to high school with a girl by that name. No relation, as far as I know.
Oh, I should mention that it was a really good thing that I happened to have a Moonkin offspec at the time. Normally I'm Broccoli spec and Broccoli-with-insect-swarm offspec, but I'd gone Moonkin offspec for heroic Saurfang back when I did fun things like raid, back when I had fun things like gear. High five, Saurfang. You can name yourself Dranosh any day of the week as far as I'm concerned.
Back to the story. I shifted into cat form and stealthed past dozens of arakkoas and birds, resisting the feline instinct to jump upon them and make them into meowmix: chicken flavor. Eventually I ascended the staircase to the upper floors, and I reached the Room With An Orb. It was here that I could summon Annie.
I found a quiet corner to unstealth, and prepared to pull a nearby pack of mobs. I shifted into Moonkin form and tab-dotted them. Moonfire. Insect Swarm. Moonfire. Insect Swarm. Oops. I hadn't pre-hotted myself. I quickly popped Nature's Grasp, causing vines to come from the floor and wrap themselves around several of the arakkoas. It was no use, however...they killed me. My face and my palm were quickly acquainted, and got along well. I re-entered the instance, having essentially undone 3 minutes worth of stealthing with a simple death. Also, repairs were going to suck because I didn't have any gold, but I would deal with that later.
Finally, I got back to the room and engaged the same group of mobs. I wasn't making much progress until I saw a shining button. It called out to me in a deep archaic voice: "Tiggarius, Champion of Sparta and Slayer of King Arthas of Lichdom, I am thy salvation. For though thou art naked and afraid, and thy spellpower be but a fraction of thy former glory, I shall slay thine enemies and bring thee glory. Push me."
So I did.
Suddenly, stars began falling all over the place and my screen was basically covered in giant yellow numbers. When the dust cleared, my moonkin towered over the corpses of the arakkoa.
Rinse and repeat, muthafuckaz.
Finally Anzu came out and I one-shot him with a really big starfall crit. I dunno, I kinda got bored of telling this story.
Tiggar / Tiggarius / Tiggara / Tiggarina
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