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So in the food thread I talked a little bit about the dynamics going on my house right now. Over the past 6 hours, this shit has been boiling up to a beautiful climax and has, in the past 2 hours, exploded into a beautiful climax. I just thought I'd share this with you all and I'll be updating this if people actually want to know. To keep things straight, I'll be referring to people by their real names (or, at least what I call them) since frankly, there's only one person that I care about in this whole shitstorm (that's directly involved, that is). First, let's roll out the players.
Emmalee (yes, the most redneck version of 'Emily' possible) - This is the center of our saga. She's godawful ugly (she kind of looks like a lawn gnome when she has glasses on, I'd have a picture but I unfriended on facebook), has little to no personality, and has a smell (I have a whole story about her odor, which I'll tell if people want to hear it).
Tabor - This is the guy that I talked about in the food thread. He's the guy actually dated Emmalee for a couple months or years or whatever in high school. Whatever, the dude's an asshole so I never bothered to get his point of the story.
Jay - This is the guy who was thinking with his dick. He's been with a girl (also named Emily) for something like 4 years now.
Patterson - This guy is my broman and is the "good guy" in this lovely story.
Ok, I guess it would be easiest to organize this in chronological order. I suppose all of this started a couple months back (mid january sounds about right) when Tabor brought Emmalee over for the first time. At this point, nobody really knew anything about her and she was incredibly forgettable, so we didn't care much about her being there. The first night she ever came over, I got absolutely shitfaced and started hitting on her and it worked. I didn't fuck her the first night she was over or anything and we didn't sleep in the same room, so I had my beergoggle picture of her in my head and texted her a bit the next day thinking she was passably attractive. Then, I saw her sober and jesus christ. Between this, her lack of a personality, and all of the stories she told me about how Tabor used to give her bruises and how she met people on Xbox Live and stripped for them (take notes, Zaryi), I booked it the fuck out of there. I even told her I didn't want anything to do with her and in the morning, I found out that she tried to break into my room in the middle of the night. Needless to say, I was done with her. At this point, my time in this plot is over.
Over the next couple of weeks, she's over a lot, always with Tabor. The thing is, I'm getting a real weird vibe between her and Tabor. They're both doing all sorts of fucked up shit. For example, she'd text me at weird hours of the night and put her hands on my face after coming from outside to show how cold they were, which would piss the everloving shit out of Tabor. On the other hand, Tabor was doing shit like forcing her to be close to him, taking pictures of her while she wants him to stop, etc. I'm creeped out by it, but I don't think much about it. After a bit (I wanna say late Feb), rumors start coming around that Tabor wants to get with Emmalee no matter fucking what (for example, one of them was that Tabor wanted to knock her up so she would be with him forever, etc). Tabor's bipolar or some crazy shit, so its perfectly feasible. Jay and I start talking about it a lot, since Emmalee's talking to Jay and its really worrying him. At about this time, my "friendship" with Tabor basically breaks and I have yet to talk to him unless its absolutely necessary since.
In mid March, Emmalee starts talking to Patterson (everyone involved plays CoD together, btw) on Xbox about the same shit that she was talking about with Jay. Patterson gets worried and Emmalee starts showing him affection. Patterson doesn't get much attention from the female gender, so he goes for the throat and they spend nights macking, sleeping in the same bed, talking throughout the night, etc (no fucking though, I need to stress this). Patterson really feels for her while she's basically getting death threats from Tabor since the closer she gets to Patterson, the further she goes from him and that shit's driving him batshit bonkers.
As this "relationship" progresses, Patterson gets more and more angry at Tabor as Emmalee tells him more and more fucked up shit, like how Tabor raped her by pressing on her broken ribs until she passed out and when she came to, her panties were off. Crazy shit like that. About 2 and a half weeks ago, Tabor finds out about Patterson and Emmalee and he basically tells Patterson that their friendship is over (they were pretty good friends before this) and Patterson, who is already clinically depressed, is devastated by this. During this time, Jay keeps on saying that Tabor's a piece of shit and how Patterson's in the right (REMEMBER THIS, THIS IS IMPORTANT).
For people skimming, here's where shit got real.
Two saturdays ago, after a long night of drinking, I dragged him to the bar with me and three mutual friends. Patterson's really depressed the whole time so we all start trying to comfort him and ask him what's wrong. We find out that Patterson walked in on Jay and Emmalee fucking (Jay knew full well that Patterson was going after her) in the room right next door to him. Patterson's absolutely devastated and we give him the whole "that bitch ain't worth it" spiel, but he, in an amazing moment of compassion (or stupidity, your choice) forgave the both of them. Patterson gave Emmalee an ultimatum and she chose him over Jay. Jay also gave Patterson his blessing and apologized.
A couple days after, 2 days shy of their 4 year anniversary, Jay and Emily (his girlfriend from the top of the page) break up.
So now our entire group of friends are starting to pick their sides as Tabor v. Patterson goes into an eternal shitstorm as Tabor goes to Defcon 5 on Patterson (IMPORTANT: he doesn't know about Jay fucking Emmalee). Patterson starts telling me and my friend Mike more and more fucked up shit that Emmalee has told him (this is where we hear about the rape, btw). At this point, the best part about this is that all four of them signed up on a lease (the lease that Tabor got me kicked off of, btw) for the next year. Mike's living in that house, so he and I have a lot of long discussions about their next house, our current house, etc. We make the informed decision to get Emmalee and Tabor off of the lease because:
a) Having Emmalee there would just cause massive problems for everybody, plus nobody really liked her besides Patterson.
b) Tabor hated Patterson and if he eventually found out about Jay and Emmalee, he'd probably kill him (literally).
Patterson refused to not live with her (they still weren't dating in any sense of the word at this point) which caused a lot of shit. Basically, the whole thing has been brewing for the past 2 weeks. That is until tonight.
So tonight was the day that Mike and I were dreading for weeks. Jay met Emily (his ex of 4 years, not the Emmalee that is the center of the plot) and gushed to her that he fucked Emmalee. Naturally, as soon as they were done, in one of the biggest bouts of "FUCK YOU" I think I've ever seen, Emily told Tabor about it. When I got home from work today at around 9pm, Tabor was upstairs throwing around shit and busting shit up. My goal for the entire night was keeping Patterson safe from Tabor's wrath, considering Tabor is about 6 inches taller and maybe 20-30 pounds heavier than him. Mike and I spent most of the night talking to Patterson, who was obviously incredibly distraught over the situation at this point. He figures that at around midnight, he needs to take a drive to cool off.
Its at this point that my friend Anna comes in. Anna's been talking to Emily as she's been trying to calm Tabor down for the whole night. Tabor's already talking about killing Jay and fucking his world (I never found out what he said to or about Emmalee, but I imagine its the same thing) and we're genuinely worried for Jay's safety. Anna drops the gem on me that Jay gushed to Emily that apparently him and Emmalee have been fucking for the past 2 months. I call Patterson and tell him that he needs to come home and there's something I need to tell him. He starts demanding that I tell him and without any other option, I tell him that this has been going on for a while. He says he's on his way back, goes quiet, and hangs up.
At this point, I'm outside on our balcony with Mike and I'm worried that with Patterson's history of depression, I may have just killed my friend. About half a hour later, Patterson comes upstairs and has officially removed himself from the situation. He tried calling Emmalee, but she ignores his calls. I've never seen someone go from being so madly infatuated with someone to becoming so incredibly cold and not giving a fuck. As of now, Emmalee is a social pariah and since Patterson was the only one really keeping her on the lease, is currently homeless for the 2011-2012 school year.
Jay, on the other hand, is another story. Just to give you a recap on the timeline, they were fucking for 2 months and Patterson was interested in her for about a month or so. For those of you keeping score at home, this means that he was both cheating on his girlfriend of 4 years and watching Patterson and Tabor squabble over this Emmalee bitch while he was wailing her the entire time while goading them against each other the entire time, since he did the same thing to Tabor as he did to Patterson (remember the thing I told you to remember? shit like that).
The thing is that Emily was an incredibly nice girl (and, according to Jay, an absolute freak). Compare this to how much of an awful whore (I really can't understate this) Emmalee is and not a single damn person that wasn't madly in love with her has any idea as to why any of this happened. I don't know what the fallout from this shit is going to be since a lot of people were asleep when we all found out about how long this was going on, but it sure as shit isn't going to be pretty. There's already talks of kicking Jay off of the lease for next year (or, preferably, getting him kicked out while still obligating him to pay rent) and he's already been told that his life is in danger if he comes to our house (which it is, since Tabor's here with some sort of primitive caveman rage inside of him).
Its already 100% certain that Jay's not going to have a social life after this because even if we all forgave him for what he did, not a single fucking person likes Emmalee so he won't ever come over by proxy. The best part is that Emmalee managed to talk Jay into coming over tomorrow to try and reason with Tabor, which is about as likely as Obama coming over to mediate the damn argument, so there's going to be a massive asskicking at our house tomorrow and I don't think a single person is going to lift a finger for Jay.
I suppose that if you managed to make it this far, you need to take away from this that even if you're thirsty and there's easy pussy, think with your mind, not your dick. Jay had months to think about the ramifications of this and apparently didn't realize what would happen if people found out about it, especially with Patterson getting thrown in the mix, which is why the few of us who know are so incredibly pissed off at Jay.
RETIRED.
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Mayonaise[/armory]
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Jerkonaise[/armory]
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