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Hi,

I am a Stanford University Engineering Alumni with entrepreneurial experience. My educational background includes a Bachelors of Science degree from Stanford University and I completed the Harvard Business School Summer Venture in Management Program (SVMP), amongst a list of other academic and professional accomplishments. I've also had an incredibly wide variety of professional experience including co-founding and successfully selling two mid-sized companies one technology related and the other in the real estate space. I have worked independently and supervised a staff in excess of 75 professionals and I will only work in a high energy, high impact entrepreneurial type environment.

If you want to work with a person that has prestigious credentials, solid management experience, outstanding written and verbal communication skills and the rare ability and energy to take concepts and drive them into reality then we should set some time to discuss your needs in more detail.

I am sure we could find far more than 3 reasons why I would be a great fit but in the interest of efficiency here goes:

Impressive Reason #1
I have had a rigorous academic experience and an impeccable academic background. As a Standford Engineering grad I learned how to not just manufacture and design 'widgets' but how to think about the 'widget' industry, the current and future market for 'widgets' and the industries competitive threats and in our world of organized chaos to conceptualize and design a completely new widget concept that will forever change the competitive landscape for widget use.

Impressive Reason #2
I have had a wide variety of professional experiences. I have worked at the highest levels of Fortune 500 companies as the business analyst (read secretly the brains) for the Executive VP of Global Sales, Service and Marketing for SGI one of the largest server manufactures (at the time). I have worked independently with virtually no supervision and even founded and sold two companies where I managed staff's in excess of 75 people. Through out my career I have learned and understand that every successful business is a collection of integrated systems, systems which must be developed, monitored and improved over time. So I have a very systems orientated outlook in understanding and solving business challenges.

Impressive Reason #3
I have the intrinsic personal characteristics necessary to succeed at any project in any environment. I believe you would be hard pressed to find a more passionate, driven leader that is able to inspire more belief, loyalty and success than I can (and have in previous roles). I understand that creativity and hard work is not the end line but the entrance fee and that determination, grit and unrelenting focus most often separates the good from the great performers.

Impressive Reason #4
I know I promised only 3 reasons but I hope you will understand I couldn't leave this one out. I have a HUGE personal network from my Stanford alumni relationships (I remain a very active alumni participant and contributor) to my Harvard Business School relationships and the friends I have built across industry in building and selling companies. In fact I am a friend of a friend (or less) from the Executive Level decision makers in virtually every industry in the country. Heck its worth mentioning that my son even played on the same soccer team for years as Malia Obama (the President's oldest daughter) before he was President of course.

If you have taken the time to read this far into my background I want to thank you for your time and interest and if you are interested in discussing this opportunity further please let me know asap as I am currently considering a number of interesting opportunities.


Thanks!
Name removed by Azelma out of pity


PS - You really can save yourself a ton of time sorting through resumes and shoot me an email so we can set some time to discuss this as I am particularly interested.

Obviously, that guy is a self-important douche with delusions of grandeur. Must not have gotten much for those two companies if he needs a job.

Your Pal,
Jubber

Not to mention the various grammatical mistakes etc. (the position is for a content manager/writer/editor for our web sites). I like how he talks up his Harvard summer school class like it's the greatest thing ever...hahaha.

I mean, honestly, how could anyone seriously think that resume would make me want to hire/work with them?

people are being forced to "stand out" more due to the horrible job market.

the person has a son, and is probably close to obama's age. consider tuhl's angle. this is a father, looking for any employment possible and making a hard sell. what if that was your father?

Obviously since the guy sold two companies he must be a billionaire. He couldn't of possibly had multiple partners that also got a cut. And honestly, what a fucking retard for getting a pay day and not wanting to sit on his ass and burn through it right away. Correct? Idiot prolly wants to save for retirement and put his kids through college. Moron should force them to get student loans. Because you guys are big supporters of the lending industry.

It didn't feel like he was bragging about his Harvard summer course, it felt more like a "hey, i am willing to continue learning even though I am working already". But obviously he doesn't know that college prepares you for every possible job opportunity and industry break though that's ever going to happen. Stupid ass that he is. And what is with all that confidence, guy is obviously full of shit. No one on these boards are that cocky, for sure.

I will give you the grammatical errors though. Always a nono on a resume/application.

Conclusion. Another fubu post made so people can feel better about their position in life. HOO RAH!

wooooooosh

I'll spell it out for you: people think it's ridiculous he's talking in meaningless cliches and technocratese and throwing around a lot of worthless qualifications, all of which leave him taking his Stanford degree (which of course includes all skills you need to survive in life) and coming to Azelma's desk looking for a job.

What makes him a moron isn't that he's looking for a job, it's that he's looking for one in such an obtuse and self-defeating manner. He comes off as a clown.