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It actually resonates more than you might expect. Your observations are sound, I also believe society is on an irreversible decline. I think the dangers we face are more profound than merely violence. Apathy and willful ignorance are the two that worry me the most on a societal level. One needs to look no further than a 'news site' (I use the term 'news' loosely) such as CNN or Fox and just look at the comments section. Ignorance is not contained within a political party or ideology, it transcends virtually every boundary known to man.

So many of those people really feel like the 'Comment on this story' section is their personal 15 minute segment at the local comedy club, and every post shows it. The well thought out, well worded posts get drowned out in a sea of irrelevant and unfunny cliche one liners. The one liner posts are all upvoted to the top, despite being the same recycled bullshit that everyone else uses, and the posts that truly challenge the mind are passed over.

You hit the nail on the head: individual leadership and boldness has become a trait to be mocked rather than applauded. I would bet my next paycheck that most of the same kids that bullied you throughout school did so for the same reason. Whatever differences you and I have, I do respect your tendency to challenge the status quo. I don't always agree with you, but I can admire your willingness to set your beliefs above all else, including your reputation to others.

The rock chuckers and name callers I would imagine are the same people making jokes about the Trayvon Martin case, or the 2012 elections, or a forest fire from a firefighter-turned-arsonist.. on some 'news' site in the comments section.

'He couldn't take the heat'

OH MY GOD SO FUNNY HURRR

Brawlsack

Taking an extended hiatus from gaming

I need to get to bed now. It's been real, Aestu.

Brawlsack

Taking an extended hiatus from gaming

I was picked on till I hit my growth spurt. Then I was only picked on half as much!

I got picked on til I beat someone down with a chair.

After that things worked themselves out.

A large number of problems with this country would be fixed if the family unit was stable and secure, and people took an active interest in raising their own kids.

EDIT if not fixed, at the very least drastically improved.

I almost broke a kid once. He used to put me in choke holds (bad ones) and I tolerated them cause he was small and annoying like tiny dog. One day, he put me in one and I decieded enough was enough so I stood up with him on my back in a choke hold and fell off and was like "Yeah that's what I thought!" and walked away. I just looked at him puzzled. Never messed with me again. It's like he sensed the ass beating.

This. I really feel like there's a widespread epidemic of parents who straight up don't understand one bit how important their role is.

My mom is a teacher at a local elementary school. There is a direct correlation between the kids that act out quite often and their home life being subpar.

These are the parents that pack their kids lunches with the worst, most non-nutritious crap available, or no lunch at all and let the kids figure it out..stealing food and lunch money at worst and having a free meal at best.

When the kids get home, it's straight to Call of Duty until bedtime, and their homework of course doesn't get done.

Phone calls and parent/teacher meetings mostly result in the 'my kid would never do that' scenario being played.

I wish I could recall specific examples. I think a lot of parents think school is a daycare.

Brawlsack

Taking an extended hiatus from gaming

How I Would Fix It
-Introduce very difficult exit exams
-Create a federal educational secret police (essentially the Secret Service transposed into education)
-Introduce ancestor worship and put up more statues of famous people (similar to Roman culture)
-Make sacrificing to propitiate the ancestors a monthly ritual (similar to East Asian culture)
-Make patronymics and matronymics mandatory and part of all formal address (similar to Russian culture)
-Incentivize people to show up with free buffets of ethnic American food and handouts of unique collectibles every year (similar to WoW)
-Introduce Mussolini-like medals and statues for good parents
-Ban women from receiving employment/unemployment benefits
-Remove medical and legal authority from shrinks
-Ban psychoactive medication
-Introduce matching paternity leave that scales with duration of employment
-Mandatory "Bring Your Kid To Work Day" every month
-Mandatory "Bring Someone Else's Kid To Work Day" every week
-Mandatory school uniforms
-Reintroduce busing
-Introduce fixed sentences for all adult offenses and make all minors immune to criminal prosecution

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Lessee.

Most of the torment from peers began after my adult teeth grew in. They were (and still are, in my opinion) a bit too large for my face and stuck out a bit. Before that, I was a very pretty little girl and had lots of friends.

The torment increased exponentially when I moved away from my childhood friends in NY and went to school in FL. I was made fun of relentlessly. I didn't have any friends at the school I went to in 4th grade. 5th grade, I moved to another school. Three times. Mostly due to the fact that my mom had gotten arrested a few times, my dad had moved back to NY, and I had nowhere to go but my aunt's house. Eventually I left and moved back with my father. The torment stopped for a while, but the damage to my self esteem remained. In 6th grade, we were joined at our junior high school by another elementary school. These kids made fun of me too, one even going so far as to ask me out as a joke and then laughing with all of his friends.

In 7th grade I moved back to Florida, after re-establishing myself in NY and making friends. Before this, I had maintained straight As my entire life. At this point, I no longer cared. I figured maybe if I did badly enough, they would see I was miserable and ship me off to live with my grandfather in NY. Obviously since I'm still in FL, that didn't work. It took a long time for me to make new friends here again. Eventually I did, with more of the outcast crowd. Wore lots of goth clothes before the days of Hot Topic and got made fun of a lot for that on top of everything else.

8th grade was the worst year of my life. The torment was endless, either my weight or my chest size or my teeth or because I was smart. Or really just simply the fact that I wasn't "preppy" enough at the school I went to. The administration was scared of my friends and I, and would generally leave us alone. It was around this time I began to really hit things out of anger, mostly on poles but later on brick walls, trees, anything I could find. I nearly fracturing my hand on multiple occasions. My hands are still scarred to shit because of the abuse. When it became too hard to do school works, I just slit my wrists instead. Usually on a daily basis. I would use whatever I could find. One day in gym class I was being ridiculed by my classmates and couldn't even wait to get home. I smashed my makeup compact and slit my wrists with the broken mirror right there in gym class. This went on for a long time. I was hospitalized a few times when I actually used a knife because it was serrated and I was used to cutting with things that weren't very sharp. Not that it mattered, I've chewed holes in my hand and cut with my nails if I had nothing else. I don't believe i ever actually attempted suicide, but I got close on accident a few times. One particularly bad incident, one of my hospitalizations, I luckily started toward my wrist and worked to my elbow. The doctor said with the force I used by the time I got near my elbow, as I was just swinging the knife wildly at the time, I would've cut my veins cleanly in half.

Anyway after that I got smarter about it and hid it on my legs or "camouflaged" them as dog scratches or some shit. Went on for a few more years. I guess I should mention throughout this time I was dealing with a mostly absent alcoholic mother and a completely absent father. Things have gotten better with them since, especially with my dad's failing health. No time to waste being bitter. He never even knew what went on with me.

I dunno. My story seems to pale in comparison with y'alls, which is why I am so awestruck by your abilities to maintain even a semblance of normalcy. This shit almost drove me insane, I don't know how you've managed so well. Still does sometimes. Newer friends who don't understand go out of their way to talk about how great they look, where my looks have been the object of ridicule most of my life. It's a struggle to keep it together. I also still struggle with the urge to cut when I'm increasingly stressed out. I've never found a way to get out my anger or handle stress. Nothing healthy anyway. All the unhealthy shit works for me, but I want just once to find something that helps.

And I guess if we're naming off diagnoses, a few have been generalized anxiety, obsessive compulsive personality disorder (not OCD), severe bouts of paranoia, bulimia, and of course other health shit like thyroid disorders, which don't directly affect my mood but sure as shit don't help. My OCPD started after the death of my grandmother. Luckily that's gotten a bit better, but my perfectionism still got me into a load of trouble this year. But I don't want to get into that.

Anyway, cheers FUBU <3

s^ | Kay

I think what you described sounded at least as bad as what I did.

And honestly I think you're one of the most "together" people - you haven't lapsed into isolation, egoism and bitterness like me or vacillation and self-pity like others. You seem to know where you're going.

The tendency to hurt yourself, though, implies you're not over your self-worth issues. I think that is something women have more trouble with, dealing with a feeling of worthlessness due to mistreatment.

Have you ever thought of getting into S&M or some kind of wargames? Or maybe take part in a pie-throwing contest? (that is a serious suggestion)

I don't know if you'll think this is inappropriate or not serious or whatever, but reading your post made me think of this:

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Thanks, I go through ups and downs of course, like anyone. But it always comes back to trying to make something of myself, even if it's sometimes to spite the people who hurt me. Like in that video, I know when to stand up for myself and fight and when it's better to just keep my mouth shut. It's hard to have high self worth right now. I've been through a lot recently, and I don't feel great about myself. I need to get further from this girl who used to be my friend. She is friends with my brother (which began out of spite during a fight we once had) and goes out of her way to talk about how hot she looks now that she's lost weight, etc. I mean she has, but she's had the weight off for at least three years and won't shut up. Most of the time I just ignore it and walk away, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I've resigned myself to say something (again and for the last time) if she brings it up again. I have enough problems without some bitch trying to make me feel bad because she hates herself. Yes, I'm bitter over her. I can't help myself.

I've done the whole S&M thing before, but depending sometimes I just feel awkward about it. I'd love to get into something more physical, but martial arts are a bit too calm for me. Something like boxing, but I'm worried about doing irreparable damage to my face. It's one of my only good physical qualities I have left. Maybe a punching bag will do ~.~

s^ | Kay

So that's why you've been on a workout tear lately?

Maybe you should try agreeing with her.

Whenever she insults you, go on a long tirade / write a rambling narrative about how ugly you are. If she insults you again, one-up her by saying she isn't even beginning to describe the problem.

Maybe that's not your style. But it's incredibly effective at confusing and frustrating antagonists.

...in any event, it's clearly obvious to you that you will eventually prevail. It's not like she can survive by her wits alone.

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Jesus Christ.

Am I really the only person who had a pleasant childhood/school experience?

If destruction exists, we must destroy everything.
Shuruppak Yuratuhl
Slaad Shrpk Breizh

My first impulse on reading this was to consider such a thing aberrant.
Only a few moments later did I realize how messed up it is I think that way.

I think there are more people who think as I do in this respect than otherwise.
Says something, doesn't it?

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

She doesn't outright put me down or I never would have put up with it at all. She just boosts herself up full knowing how hard I am struggling with my weight and with Hashimoto's. The workout tear is for me mostly, but I can't say during Kenpo that I don't imagine every punch and kick going to her face. It's funny because she does this every single conversation we have - as if nobody has noticed she is thin. It's really pathetic. EVERY conversation, without fail.

A friend of mine who hadn't seen her in years came by two weeks ago. We were hanging out and she was here. He's one of those that doesn't look at faces and goes "Damn, she's still pretty hot" to which I responded "Yes, and we never hear the end of it." As if on cue she walks out of the bathroom after changing and says "Omg my dress is way too big for me now!" I give him a look, a shrug, and say "Like I said."




I feel the same way.

s^ | Kay

YA YOU'RE ALMOST AS FAT AS I AM
I'D LOAN YOU SOME CLOTHES BUT THEY'D FALL RIGHT OFF YOU
HOW ARE YOUR T&A DOING? HOLDING UP ALRIGHT?
WHERE DID YOU GAIN WEIGHT LET ME SEE

lol

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.