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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:11 pm  
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Stupid Schlemiel
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 10:39 pm
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You all just need to circle jerk and start being friends.

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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:50 pm  
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Querulous Quidnunc
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Necrachilles wrote:
Hey, least no one is being emotionally scarred for life during the making of squidgoat porn!


Quote:
"...over there." Aestu's hooves clicked and clacked as she paced back and forth upon the marble tiles of the great hall of the ruined Titan city, demonstrating through pantomime and pedantic lecture her battle plan to the motley crew she had assembled, in the most ad hoc manner possible.

Her surprisingly delicate blue hands snapped open the clasp of her toolbox, withdrawing a dusty, egg-sized capsule sealed with duck tape. She rotated top against bottom and pitched the explosive device overhand. The capsule ignited in mid-air, leaving behind a smoky purple trail, coming to rest a good thirty meters into the room. Somehow, the flare's brilliant plume, sparkling and hissing went unnoticed by the three massive Titan constructs loitering in the rear of the hall.

"...where that flare is. You'll position the tall one there. Focus your attacks on him first. Now, as to the short guy - Ooooch!"

A sharp tug on her tail elicited a squawk from the squidgoat paladin. As quickly as this heinous coup was perpetrated was the hand withdrawn, but the clammy sensation remained. Aestu spun on her hoof to face the nearest suspect - that is to say, the nearest rogue - an olive, raven-haired human female whose sharp dark eyes were concealed behind a pair of goggles. Her mischievous smile, unfortunately, wasn't.

"You...you! That's a form of abuse! S-stop!"

"Wasn't me, Aestu."

Aestu's thin blue lips and round cheeks formed into a miffed frown and she turned away, back to her pedantry. "So, you, warrior, when I say to taunt, you - Eeek!"

Again - a lusty tug to the fleshy blue tail that lay atop the broad curves of her posterior. Again the beguiled squidgoat whipped around and found herself once more face-to-face with the human female. The one that could backstab a ten-ton brain without batting an eye, but was now struggling to maintain a straight face, quivering with nervous laughter, helpless amusement tempered by pity.

"No more! Leave be! The tail is not for you!" When Aestu's temper flared, her heavily accented Common broke down further into the lyric staccato of Draenic.

"Aestu...it's not me...I'm sorry...I'm really sorry..." The human female's midsection quivered with laughter and anxiety. Really, the rogue would've been less anxious if she actually did commit the heinous violation.

Aestu studied the human for a moment. Controlled her anger and made a decision to let it go. Her impetuousness was...not characteristic of her people, but there's some deviation in every race, after all. She turned back again, the clammy sensation remaining on her tail, which now warily, involuntarily, twitched back and forth.

Reaching into her billowy tabard, Aestu withdrew a small gold, red and green enameled box. The "secret" of another paladin - what was it with her and green leafy vegetables? - she had met here. She discretely withdrew a single leaf and placed it in her mouth, pressing it between her small grey tongue and one of her molars. Of course now that the blood of the sindorei no longer flowed through her veins, it had no narcotic effect - but the habit was somehow cathartic. Hastily, the squidgoat swallowed the thistle, guiding it into her rumen.

Back to business...

"Warrior. When I say taunt. You taunt. Do you understand?"

The object of Aestu's exhortations, a tall, indolent male night elf, did not respond. Aestu took a step closer and raised her voice - slightly, at first. "Warrior. When I say taunt, you taunt. Understand? Yes? HAI? KROS SI? GE'HAIN!" Still the warrior did not respond.

Losing patience - she could not afford to let this issue remain uncertain, the mission lay at stake - the paladin drew her mace, dripping with holy magic - spun it like a baton, and prodded the warrior with the hilt - hard, in the upper back. Laconically came his response:

"Hey, Aestu, that's a form of abuse."

He had been listening. Enough. Aestu nodded irately.

"Go."

Aestu ran into the room, the night elf followed her behind, on her left flank, and behind tromped along two dozen milieu in tow.

The battle proceeded smoothly, as it always seemed to - one, and then the other, Titan constructs fell. The greatest of the three continued to fixate its mighty punches, thunder and lightning, on Aestu's graceful, sky-blue form. The paladin ducked, dodged, parried and countered, dividing her attention between the twenty-meter tall giant immediately in front of her, and her comrades dashing about the other half of the room.

The giant roared, and Aestu felt a fire burn within her, her life essence consumed in brilliant electric fusion that gave unnatural, frenzied strength to her limbs, made her form vast and spectral.

"Warrior! Now - Nawh! Tont!" Nothing. "Tont! TONT!"

The warrior - all attitude - leisurely walked over and with a open gesticulation of his arms, as if ordering a burger and fries, addressed the giant, conversational and sardonic:

"Hey there, big guy, you really have a thing for goat chicks, don't you?"

The giant paused mid-swing, and roared, its ponderous mass set in motion like a great boulder towards the warrior, who suddenly felt a pang of dread and began to back away. Aestu, her form enlarged to twice its normal proportions, made a dash for an alcove she had in mind...

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

...but everywhere she turned someone seemed to be in her path. Her vision blacked with panic. Everywhere she turned - so she looked about and ran towards the one, a gnome, she realized had been at fault all along...

"...aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

...her snub, triangular ears resounded with a deafening silent roar - her mind went silent -

The music of the spheres awakened the spirit within her chest, formerly extinguished by the Titans' unnatural electric combustion, and with a start, the squidgoat came to. She rose with a start - instantly sensing something wrong.

On all her two dozen comrades' faces were written strange looks - some of glee, others of awkward shame. Some looked away, others smiled at her with secret confidence. Fear and uncertainty filled the typically stalwart paladin. She suddenly became very aware that her undergarments felt - felt unsettled. She rose, and with a badly disguised gesture, adjusted her posterior and bust.

"That's - that's enough for one night, I think. Thank you everyone - oh, right." She had almost forgotten.

The great giant's massive corpse sprawled like a slag heap across the center of the great hall. Dimly Aestu drew her knife and cut open the rude satchel of scavenged cloth affixed to the leather strap around its waist. Out tumbled...first, a fist-sized object, a luminously radiant nodule of orange hematite, eliciting some small applause from her comrades and a grimace from the great woman herself...and a pentad of palm-sized platinum disks. Whimsically, Aestu tried to phoneticize the ancient Titan runes engraven upon the first: Evn...Ein-Hvn-Ste...Ein-His-Sta...Ein-His-Sta-Ela...whatever...

The goods were auctioned off and the proceeds split. Thank-yous of varying levels of sincerity were passed around. The human female and Aestu shared an apologetic look. Far more so on the part of the latter.

...

Aestu reclined awkwardly in her room at the Stormwind inn. Her tail - and the flesh around it - continued to bother her. It was night out, the crickets chirped loudly and the bells of Cathedral Square rung once - but she needed -

Out she went and down to the city park. It was a humid evening, the heavy air made worse by the miasma rising from the canals and the almost canine smell of humans. Badly Aestu wanted to bathe in the cool, still waters of Tirisfal - or Nagrand - a dream took form in her mind-

She arrived in the park, where a solitary gnome mage manned an ice cream stand. Characteristic of his people, he seemed whimsically cheerful and melancholy at once, using his arcane skills for the most mundane of purposes, and at night, customers so seldom, no less.

"I'll take - a cone, please."
"What flavor?"
"Flaver? Ah - what please you."
"How about...blueberry?" The gnome's beady eyes danced mischevously. Lasciviously?
Aestu's brow furrowed and her blue eyes burned phosphorous white. The gnome's smile faded, and Aestu suddenly felt somehow sad. Her anger gave way to remorse.
"Yes - blueberry, certainly. Thank you, gnome," she said, finding her delicate manner once more.

She drew her coin purse and pulled out a crown and four bits. Upon the crown was engraven, in hideous, vain, overdramatized relief the figure of the human King. Tasteless. And this coin - not gold, some bastardized alloy of pyrium and bronze. Airships, royal edifices and new harbors were expensive, you know. Everything has a price. You'd think the Stonemason's revolt would have taught the humans that, but nooo... The paladin felt weary, and a terrible sense of foreboding. She gave the crown to the gnome, and tossed the four bits in the glass jar on the counter. The gnome cheered enthusiastically. Aestu took a bow and left with her ice cream. She pecked at it with delicate blue lips and cobalt tongue. Didn't do anything for her - not eating it, but -

Back at her room, she tipped the ice cream cone into some silk cloth, chucked the cone, and pressed the unsoiled side of the cloth against her lower tail. She mused what an ironic sight she must be. Something in her felt warm - maybe she should have been content to give them a good laugh? Or...whatever...they enjoyed? Err.

....

Telaar was everything she had hoped and more.

Well. Some days Aestu got up - saw her gleaming lavender breastplate, propped on its display rack, with its flattering bust and abguards, its brilliant epaulets and hoofguards - the only hoofguards she'd ever found made for squidgoat by squidgoat, and the first she'd ever seen real action in - some days she saw that, and felt a little sad, felt the call within her. That call was drowned out by satiety, and a sense that her time lay elsewhere. Yes, it had been the right decision.

The morning sun rose over the graceful hills of Nagrand, the intoxicating air enervated with the smells of spring. Aestu looked out and felt at peace. But she did feel-

And her prayers were answered, or so it seemed. It always seemed that way, didn't it - when one least expects it. She extracted the tightly wrapped package, three centimeters thick and thrice as high and wide, from the mailbox. No return address...Maybe it's a bomb. She wasn't forgotten yet, and that made her smile.

With squidgoat grace she unwrapped the package.

Hey Aestu =),

That one time in Ulduar, you remember? It's been a while, thought you might like a reminder - we took pictures!


Aestu's eyes widened and she clasped the hideous album shut. I have a mind to - The clammy feeling on her tail seemed to return, and then - she opened the album, turned through the pages, and, slowly, a smile spread across her face.

No regrets.


Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.


Last edited by Aestu on Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:59 pm  
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Querulous Quidnunc
Joined: Thu May 13, 2010 12:19 pm
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Also, whoever identifies the human female wins the thread.


Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:13 pm  
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French Faggot
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:15 pm
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Euphonic.


If destruction exists, we must destroy everything.
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:14 pm  
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Querulous Quidnunc
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Yuratuhl wrote:
Euphonic.


Euphonic is not human.

Also, inserted allegation about a certain holy paladin.


Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.


Last edited by Aestu on Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:27 pm  
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Falcon PUNCH! Faggot
Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 1:16 am
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Aestu wrote:
Also, whoever identifies the human female wins the thread.

It's on the tip of my tongue =/


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 3:33 pm  
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French Faggot
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:15 pm
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Aestu wrote:
Yuratuhl wrote:
Euphonic.


Euphonic is not human.

Also, inserted allegation about a certain holy paladin.


Euphonic was human at some point. Euphonic may no longer be human, I wouldn't know.


If destruction exists, we must destroy everything.
Shuruppak Yuratuhl
Slaad Shrpk Breizh
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:23 pm  
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Querulous Quidnunc
Joined: Wed May 12, 2010 8:41 am
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Necrachilles wrote:
squidgoat fetish vs anime tentacle loli vs 3 dudes in pterodactyl suits triple teaming some chick vs scat porn

All porn is wierd, some wierder than others, I don't think squidgoat porn is any weirder than most porn out there. Hey, least no one is being emotionally scarred for life during the making of squidgoat porn!


For the record, I think most women in porn were already emotionally scarred for life before they got into it. Having creepy step-fathers or uncles molesting you will do that.


Azelma

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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:25 pm  
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Falcon PUNCH! Faggot
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Azelma wrote:
Necrachilles wrote:
squidgoat fetish vs anime tentacle loli vs 3 dudes in pterodactyl suits triple teaming some chick vs scat porn

All porn is wierd, some wierder than others, I don't think squidgoat porn is any weirder than most porn out there. Hey, least no one is being emotionally scarred for life during the making of squidgoat porn!


For the record, I think most women in porn were already emotionally scarred for life before they got into it. Having creepy step-fathers or uncles molesting you will do that.

True but still doesn't help.


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:14 am  
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Deliciously Trashy
Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 7:37 pm
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Where's the 'what's her porn name' quote train when you need it D:


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:31 am  
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Falcon PUNCH! Faggot
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Zaryi wrote:
Where's the 'what's her porn name' quote train when you need it D:

It no longer works. Quote trains have been disabled.


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:39 am  
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Querulous Quidnunc
Joined: Thu May 13, 2010 12:19 pm
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City/street of birth + mother's maiden name/middle name/grandmother's name?


Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.
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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:15 am  
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Querulous Quidnunc
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Necrachilles wrote:
3 dudes in pterodactyl suits triple teaming some chick

Why did you have to bring this up?

Aestu wrote:
Also, whoever identifies the human female wins the thread.

Frapachino, just because I can't remember that TB paladin's name


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:51 am  
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Falcon PUNCH! Faggot
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Meowth wrote:
Necrachilles wrote:
3 dudes in pterodactyl suits triple teaming some chick

Why did you have to bring this up?

Aestu wrote:
Also, whoever identifies the human female wins the thread.

Frapachino, just because I can't remember that TB paladin's name


lol and figured the paladin would be one from TB or the one from WoWhead unless they're one in the same.


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 Post subject: Re: @mod elections
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:18 am  
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Querulous Quidnunc
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It's explicitly stated that the human is not a paladin - it is a rogue - and that the paladin is a blood elf.

There are specific and literal references as to name and appearance.

Disappointed =/


Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.
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