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I posted the file of my story, you may read at your leisure.
On a slightly related note, here is one part of the the series of stories which i wrote when i was in Luminescence. A lot of inside jokes which you may not get, but out of the 3 this has the most non-inside jokes. As requested by Xleaf.
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The funeral was to take place in southshore. All members were present, dressed solemnly. Shiela was with Noxin, wearing a sequined strapless dress. She would occasionally bite Noxin as his hand found its way down her scaly side. Nobody really wanted to comment on this. Plaguestrike was trying to coax a cat to chase Maxer, who had recently turned into a rat. Music began as the funeral procession came forward, bringing the coffins one by one. Dissishowiwin the front casket bearer. On the way to the gravesite, he tripped and fell forward. The edge of the coffin fell on his neck popping off his head. No one cared much. Necrohawk took his spot and the procession continued.
The caskets were placed next to the graves for a final viewing. As Nahsavfor’s body was revealed a great wailing could be heard. Heads swiveled round, and maxer’s tail twitched. A woman wearing a white silk mini-skirt. So tight that had she bent over it would surely snap. For a top she had a pink half-sari. She approached the coffin, followed my half a dozen young men who resembled well trained dogs. She took the body and muttered a few incomprehensible words. As she was done she bent over to kiss the corpse. With lightning reflexes Xleaf rushed over to sneak a look.
After the kiss, Aidria stepped back, and with great care managed to step on Xleaf’s foot and kick him in the crotch with the same foot. A moment later a great white light emerged from the body of Nahsavfor. Slowly the body was lifted off the ground, and placed upright infront of Aidria. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Kilt said something totally unremarkable. As Nahsavfor slowly opened his mouth everyone held their breath. The effect was completely ruined when his cock fell off. Aidria looked down and said: “Well, we will just have to work on that wont we honey?” She then picked it up and left with her slightly lurching, slightly moaning and very embarrassed late husband. The men who had followed her hung around looking dejected.
The rest of the day went without much of a hitch. The coffin carrying Jibbajabba was dropped, letting the body fall out in what can only be described as the typical Jibbajabba position. After the funerals, many people retired to the local Inn to reminisce about the good old days, but mainly to get piss fucking drunk. At the bar, Necrohawk was downing drink after drink. The glass barely hit the bar before he ordered a refill with a belch. This continued for some time until even the barkeep had lost count, and stared in awe. Next to him Plaguestrike had started a sort of contest between the two, but it only existed in his head. After about his third, he took a bite out of the bar bench, of the urinal cake and finally of the bar nuts before collapsing in a corner.
Later in the night, the Priestess Aidria walked down into the main room of the inn. She had bandaged her husband to keep the decay from showing, and to keep his clothes together she had forced him to wear a large crossbelt. As he entered the room, still moaning and lurching, necrohawk turned around. Infront of him he saw a giant X, his eyes bugged out, he dropped his glass, screamed and ran into the wall behind him knocking himself out cold.
Hours later, when enough water was dumped on him to fill a pool (water to wake him up and wash away the terrible smell he had made) he was finally awaked. Above him was Nahsavfor, drenching as well because he had begun to rot again. At the very sight Necrohawk sat bolt upright, screaming and hit his head on the edge of the table, knocking himself out cold once again. The next time Necrohawk was awoken, he stared into the beady eyes of Shiela which did not help his state of mind. Especially when she opened her mouth, revealing her teeth, to utter a gurgling: “MRGRL Hi! MRGRLR”
This time, without the aid of any hard objects, Necrohawk was out cold again.
For the third time he awoke. Before sitting up he carefully scanned the faces around him to ensure no terror awaited him. There was no terror this time because no one was around. Slightly put off by this, Necrohawk got up slowly. After reaching his full height, he remembered what had scared him. He screamed “My ex! My ex is back! I saw her my ex! Oh dear god no!!! my ex is HERE!!!! Why oh why oh why?!?!”
“Hullo deary.” At this Necrohawk turned around, screamed once more and fainted again.
The next day Necrohawk was once again at the bar drinking heavily. But now he rocked back and forth miserably in a corner muttering to himself. He would jump at any sound. In one corner Foglight, Plaugestrike, Stonefinger and Xleaf talked amongst themselves. “He looks terrible!” Stated foglight. “And hes only had two drinks so far!” replied Plaguestrike.
“Your one to talk buddy, we all saw you eating the nuts after just three!” said Stonefinger with a laugh. Angrily Plaguestrike gave him a bit of a shove. Foglight told them to stop fighting amongst themselves. They needed to find a way to make Necrohawk feel better before the recruits started having funny ideas about what they could do. “I just don’t understand why hes so upset about seeing his ex in a random bar.”
“How would you feel if your ex, the same woman who forced herself upon you with a cucumber sized strapon every night the two of you lost a match in the arena? Especially if she was the one who didn’t understand how to pillar hump. All she wanted to do was hump him!” said Xleaf. “Well I don’t know” replied Stonefinger, “But I sure as hell wouldn’t run to a fucking wall!” They all laughed in agreement. None of them would be that stupid.
“Why did they break up anyway? I mean it couldn’t have just been the strapon, he even seemed to kind of like it.” asked Stonefinger. Xleaf explained that the real falling out occurred when the ex insisted that Necrohawk use the strap-on instead of herself. “It drove the poor bastard insane. Before too long he was humping every street lamp he saw, hed kill pets on sight, and started teabagging everything insight. He also got into the habit of wearing stiletto heals to raid nights.” Said Xleaf as he finished his explanation.
“Well how do we get rid of her?” asked Plaguestrike, braking silence. “You don’t” said foglight, “You either outlive them, or they outlive you. Other than that they sit on the shelf hidden behind the family portrait, never seen but always there. But if you’re like this poor sucker” he gestured at the prone rocking figure of Necrohawk “and don’t have a portrait to hide them behind, they fall off the shelf occasionally and hit you on the head.”
“Damn.” Replied Xleaf “I guess we better start searching for another guy to do our dirty work.”
At the other end of the inn, Kilt, Valistania and Nyyenvea clustered around Nahsavfor. They did this because the stench that had previously hung around him had began to subside thanks to Aidria’s spells. But despite her best efforts, the problem of his third leg remained. So for the time, Aidria entertained the half dozen men who she had brought with her in turn. The people clustered around Nahsavfor asked what death was like. It took a long time for him to answer, but when he finally opened to his mouth he said: “I wont tell you, but you can ask him.” Here he pointed towards the door of the inn which was occupied by the headless body of Dissishowiwin.
After the initial hubbub that Disishowiwin’s arrival had caused, Foglight and Xleaf sat down at a table to share a drink. After taking a lengthy sip Foglight said: “I don’t know about you Xleaf, but I sure like this guy a lot more now that he doesn’t have a head to talk with, hes just overall much more pleasant.”
“Amen.”
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