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Ever had a night in bed with someone when you were really bored? unsatisfied? scared? injured? are any of the stories funny?

I was with this girl once who had a really soft bed, so we sank into the mattress further than I am used to on mine at home. What that meant was the angle at which i had to go to hit that certain spot was a little bit out of my comfort zone, and it was very uncomfortable for me. so right after she gets off and right before I'm about to, I get a cramp in my hip right at the top of my thighbone. It felt like someone ran a hot poked with electricity shooting through it right into the side of my ass. I have never been in such pain that went away so quickly(wasnt any real damage, just a pinched nerve i suppose) So she's screaming for joy and I'm screaming for a whole nother reason, and afterwards i got the hell out of there, limping back to the car like it was ME that got fucked and not her.

man that shit hurt.

Worst sex I ever had was with this girl who was so very obviously inexperienced (she was 23, not a virgin, but had never been in a "serious" relationship - so basically she'd never had consistent sex with anyone).

First problem: foreplay - worst head I've ever gotten. She was basically trying to attack it. Ladies should know, that when using their hand as an aid...simply squeezing my balls and johnson randomly like my wang is a damn stress-ball doesn't feel good. Not sure where she "learned" that technique, but yikes.

So then, we started getting ready to bone. After several awkward attempts at penetration I finally got in there. #1: I wasn't 100% excited from the terrible foreplay, so I had to focus to get "up to speed" #2: there was a problem that she didn't know how to place her hips...in missionary, the woman has to idk...turn her hips up a little bit for easier fun times. I'm not quite sure why, I always felt it was intuitive, but the fact that I couldn't angle myself in easily was like "WTF". I finally had to basically lay down on top of her and physically adjust her hips so I could get in there. Definitely weird.

Then, we're doing it, and I dunno why I thought this, I should have known given how the experience had gone thus far...but I thought "hey why don't you get on top." I guess that's going from level 1A to level 2B and way too complicated. She just couldnt figure out what she was doing...literally started just awkwardly grinding on it. This went on for a few moments and I was just like "okay..." flipped her back to missionary, and finished my business.

Needless to say, that "relationship" didn't work out.

Worst ever was a girl who I was dating for a month or two before we had sex... when we finally did, she just layed there stiff as a board. Might as well have been fucking a blow up doll.

When I was done, I look down and there's blood on the condom. Yes, this girl was a virgin, which explains the stiffness for her I guess... but she NEVER TOLD ME. First, if I had known I probably would have gone about things much differently. Second, if I had known I might not have done it at all (I wasn't that serious about the relationship, and I don't want to be a dick). I actually got really mad about it and we broke up. I'm pretty sure if she ever saw me she would stab me, but whatever, I think it was her fault for not being upfront about that shit.


And as for general problems, my ex for the longest time never understood that to do it doggystyle, she has to arch her back unless she wants it in her ass, because that's the hole that's pointing at me if she just sits there with a straight spine. There were a lot of very awkward moments where I'm trying to insert and I can't get an angle on her and I'm trying to explain to her or just manually push down the small of her back to get her to roll her fucking hips a little.


And there was one time I started to go down on a girl, got about halfway down, smelled her vagina from there, and came right the fuck back up.

Akina: bitch I will stab you in the face

This thread just lost 5 full awesome points because Dane Cook is now in it.

-Reserved for Aestu's story-

I went left handed once.

Stream: www.athenelive.com/brykon
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/Brykon50?feature=mhee

He doesnt have sexual experiences.

Just ideas about sex and his hand.

I am THE man.
http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee15 ... 171424.jpg

A bloated ego will eventually kill off the id and superego.

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Well, here is my story and I am sticking to it. The last real serious relation ship I had when I lived in Va was with a chick that was 3 or 4 years older than me and slightly crazy/nympho. This made for very very interesting experiences. Like when she was on prozak and would not take her meds so she could go out drinking with me and end up super mood swing bitch by the end of the night, or when she would drink on her meds ( which I discouraged to no end) and would turn in to super crazy/horny bitch by the end of the night. Ok back to the real story. She was a nympho, I mean the every day 3-4 times a day if we could find the time/place to do so. At 18 this did not bother me at all, in fact it kind of was FFFFUUUUNNNNNN. Every time we went out we would find some way and place to end up banging like rabbits. This is why I put up with crazy moodswing bitch moments, yes I was a dog. Finally we found a spot that we could do it in my car on a very regular basis. it was on this very secluded road that lead to the back entrance of a coast guard base. Almost no one ever traveled this road but there was a trail around the field that was on one side. The only thing I could figure the trail was for is that part of the field was where someone grew and sold Christmas trees each year. Anyway, we go at it, one of those really good nights where we actually have to change positions a few times. We were almost finished when I see headlights. Not just headlights on the road, but headlights in the field, heading for my car, and fast. I managed to toss her in the passenger seat, start the car, and haul ass with no headlights on so they cannot see my liscence plates (Va has front and back plates). I did not even attempt to slow down until I was about 3 miles away and realized they had not even followed me out of the field, hell they probably did not even see me. 3 miles seems like 3000 when you think you just busted big time. 3 miles until I realized I did not have any pants on, was still hard as a rock, and still had the rubber on. Yes I thought about stopping and finishing somewhere, but no I did not tell her that, although she said she wanted to from all of the excitement. We dared to try out our spot a few more times but found concentrating while watching the road. This was around the time that my mom would let us watch tv in my room because my brothers always took over the downstairs tv and I figured out how to block my door with my couch so we could get down to business. I should have bought stock in Trojans and Gatorade while dating her.

9 level 90s and 10 85s, Damn I need another hobby.

Congrats, this line earned back all the awesome points Dane Cook took away from this thread.

Carry on.

Mission accomplished.

Doesn't make it any less true though, I think every guy's been there.

My mom bought me candy for valentines day

The only time it was meh was when she barely moved at all.

I figured then that maybe it's just better not to use chloroform.

But seriously, that's the only time I've encountered "bad" in bed.

My step-brother got bit too hard one time. It was funny because we heard that yell from quite a ways away, and we all bumped glasses for him. Bitch was like a vampire man, he was bleeding a little from the shoulder.

99% fabulous with an error margin of 5-9%