Krunkz wrote:
Are you trying to sell me a car? I have enough. Thanks though!
But you don't have a car like THIS car! Now you look like a clever sort of man, Mr Wrigley, so let me tell you about this car and why you NEED this car. Now, again, I'm not gonna tell you why you oughtta WANT it, I'mma tell you why you NEED it, though you don't realize it yet.
Your current car. Yeah, you've had it a while, I'm sure you're very happy with it. But I'll give you three reasons why you NEED this new car:
1. It's new, this car is old. You think your old car is as good as a new car? New > old. I mean, if we didn't have new cars, we'd all still be driving around Model Ts. Is that what you want? The US car industry, sir, which built this great land, sells 500 MILLION cars a year sir, 500 MILLION. Now that's a lot of cars, sir, a lot of new cars. And I'm sure you want to be one of those 500 MILLION guys with new cars each yeah, yes sir, we couldn't have four hundred million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine cards sold in this good Year of our Lord twenty-eleven, now could we? When you're buying this car, sir, you're buying a piece of America. You're helping keep America fresh and new, keeping your real estate prices up and whatnot. You don't want to be THAT GUY in your neighborhood, do you, the one guy draggin' everyone else's home prices down with your old car, do you? You don't want your boy to ask his pa why you've been driving the same old hunk of junk all these years, do you?
2. Because this car will take you places! Sure, you might say, your old car does that just fine. But does it really? Is every journey a step up the celestial staircase to the good Lord's heaven, is every trip to the supermarket air-conditioned bliss? No, sir, I'd say not, and if you think this car won't change that then sir, I'd say you can't know till you try. Fifty years odd ago, sir, people went to the moon, to TRY and see if it could be done, and all we're asking you to do is to try this car out. Did you know, this car, is the same car, that Prez Obama drove to his first job in Harlem, yes sir it is. Same make, same model, you don't think that the man who personally killed Osama bin Laden could be wrong in his choice of car, do you?
3. This car got the highest review on performance, design, and general sex appeal by yours truly in a lineup of all the cars in this parking spot, yes sir, the very highest. This car sir has been reviewed by Consumer Reports and eBay Motors and many other prestigious automotive columns, yes sir it has. This car was designed and built by over a thousand college graduates, yes sir, the best and brighest, out of parts delivered right here to the good ol' USA, yessir, all these parts in this car are right here in the USA as of this time. I'm not gonna ask you to buy some car that hasn't even been imported, this car is right here in the USA, designed by real college grads, I guarantee it.
4. Now I'd said I'd give you only three reasons, sir, but lemme give you a fourth, and that is, like I said sir, you're a real swell guy, a smart guy, a clever guy, and a hell of a man if I may say so myself sir. And I judge a man just like I judge this awesome here car, and you're top of the line. Now I got five kids, five mouths to feed, sir, three sons and three daughters, sir, and I'd be much obliged if I could be telling them that we won't be goin' hungry tonight. So I think you're a great guy sir and so this is the car for you.
Now don't feel rushed to make up your mind, sir, you can just go ahead and have all the coffee you want from this here dispenser, though I'll have to ask you refrain from using the bathroom because there's not a pan for a hundred miles and the cops don't look too kindly on exposure round these parts.
If you ever want to call me night or day with your decision, sir, here's my number and I'll be sittin' on the line waitin' for that call, I got all the paperwork filled out and just need your signature right here and you're good to go, now you have a nice day now you hear?
