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In all seriousness though, having some sort of retarded 8th-grade twiddlywink relationship with someone thousands of miles away can get someone so impassioned that their eyes roll into the back of their head and blood starts pouring out of their mouths (fingertips due to being online doesn't give the same imagery) whenever someone you say you give less than a shit about (SPOILER: not really) gives her a couple worthless one-liners should at least mean that you should be able to perform.

You seem to think you've got me down pretty good. I want you to do yourself now, especially considering how your experience with Simone went (you know, the first woman that has probably ever paid attention to you), you should get used to it for a very, very long time.

You're on here for practically the entire day, so when I get back from my brodate with Danzor and bar-hopping tonight, I'll expect your professional analysis of softness.

EDIT: +1 Jubber.

EDIT #2: The reason I added Simone on facebook was because I wanted her permission because I had no idea if she was embarassed or not. She didn't tell me anything. Have fun crossing people off of your rapidly shrinking friends list.

RETIRED.
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Mayonaise[/armory]
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Jerkonaise[/armory]

k

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Glad you liked it. Tell Danzor I say, "HELLO, PAL."

Your Pal,
Jubber

AKA "The Gun"
AKA "ROFeraL"

World Renowned Mexican Forklift Artiste

Talk about being disappointing.

Then again, I suppose you're used to people being disappointed at your performance.

RETIRED.
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Mayonaise[/armory]
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Jerkonaise[/armory]

...a relationship that you yourself have said you wish you had.



What kind of reaction do you want me to have, Mayo?
What is your aim in writing this?

You are intelligent enough and have known me long enough to know that these kinds of remarks don't faze me, at all. So your only possible motive for making such remarks is frustration or desperation. Or, most likely, you simply have nothing better to say.

...Weren't you going out?

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Fixt

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

When did I say I wanted an incredibly long-distance relationship with someone I've never met in person? I don't think a bid for a fake facebook relationship is a pronouncement of jealousy and love.


Is that why you wrote a multi paragraph essay about why I'm a bad person? You already ruined your whole idea of a cold, calculated megamind when you started bitching and bawling whenever I made a slight dig at your e-relationship (which, when I was first told about it, sounded like a complete joke).


Yeah, Dan's coming over at 4, so I have time. I'm going to get up from my computer, walk away, and probably forget this happened until I stagger back here drunk at 3am and sit down because drunk posting is the best posting. I check the site frequently throughout the day and whenever I do, you're always on. I know this is probably the last place that people entertain your parade of loneliness that you haven't been banned from yet and as much as I want you gone, I also feel kind of bad for you because I know that once you're done here, that's it.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to clean up my room and play some Magicka for a little bit as I wait for dan to come over.

RETIRED.
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Mayonaise[/armory]
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Jerkonaise[/armory]

PS: If you want to blame Simone for something, she just told me that you blamed her, hired a whore, and then couldn't put it up for her either.

Have fun simmering on that.

RETIRED.
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Mayonaise[/armory]
[armory loc="US,Bleeding Hollow"]Jerkonaise[/armory]

Anyone who can't get it up for that sexy piece of chocolate is so deep in the closet they're finding christmas presents.

Well, at least they'll have a package to unwrap.

(HA HA!!)

Joke aside, I think we've been indiscreet about Simone and Ethan's personal interactions, and that's not entirely kosher. It's not unusual for men to have issues with their junk the first time they attempt sex, especially if the experience creates a lot of anxiety for them. It's probably even more understandable for someone who has...obvious issues with interpersonal relationships/intimacy. Bringing it up here, though, is kind of cheap, regardless of how funny/sad any of us might think it is.

Your Pal,
Jubber

AKA "The Gun"
AKA "ROFeraL"

World Renowned Mexican Forklift Artiste

OK, so your "spy network" is Simone bitching about dumb shit.

Hiring a whore was her idea. She not only suggested it but suggested a specific site to go to. Simone was very enthusiastic about it. After the fact her entire attitude shifted and she became jealous and paranoid. She cried for days and moped and complained and demanded I never see this whore again. She went on these diatribes about her self-hate at griefing me about what she herself had suggested. Her angst was driven less by that I did it and more anger at her own uncontrollable emo about it.

The whore wasn't actually a professional. It was a fairly attractive nursing student who needed some extra cash. It was good enough for her that she almost forgot to ask for her compensation, and subsequently didn't ask at all. She actually enjoyed it more than I.

Anyway, throughout our relationship I suggested Simone pursue romance in her immediate area. She wasn't willing to do this, and I eventually got tired of being put upon by the irrational emotional gyrations of a woman 3000 miles away.



Simone was so disgustingly fat that sex was literally impossible. Not for want of (very unpleasant) trying.

Her weight also had the effect of making her body odor both unbearable and extremely resilient. The room (and my person) had to be ventilated for many days. The sheets had to be completely thrown away because repeated washing did not remove the odor.

Shortly after she returned from Boston, she fell down a flight of stairs. X-ray imaging revealed she had multiple prior impacts. Her weight was blamed, and her parents (and I) encouraged her to take steps to manage it. I tried to give her moral, tactful support. She didn't have the discipline and within a few days broke down and made a beeline for McDonalds. No, seriously, McDonalds.

At that point I pretty much lost patience and realized that nothing I could say or do would help this person with what was a serious life issue. And no way I would be monogamous with a fat woman 3000 miles away. Even less so because I got tired of her bitching about, or expressing a lack of respect for, various people (including you) but courting their favor over the internet. So eventually I decided to simply stop talking to her.

Executive summary of causes of breakup:
-Simone enthusiastically encouraging me to hire a whore then breaking down into self-hating emo after the fact
-Refusal to engage in weight management
-Hypocritical and unrealistic relationship desires

Now I do respect Simone and would have been content to consider it a private matter and zip my lip. But she chose to be petty and foolish enough to talk about what happened, misrepresent it, to you of all people, it is now to set the record straight.

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.

Discussion is closed.

Aestu of Bleeding Hollow...

Nihilism is a copout.