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So this thread originally started as a post that in hindsight given what has transpired seems mean spirited. I came across a YouTube video Aestu posted of a recording of his conversation with an FBI agent over a possible threat because of some disruptive event that happened in a class he was taking.
My initial thought when I came across this was "man how ridiculous is he still all these years later - let's share it with fubu if anyone still visits that they can have a laugh and shake their heads"
Then, as the strangeness of fate would have it, just a few days after this post Aestu committed suicide because of some different personal issues he was having. I've confirmed that this did happen. You could find his note on facebook, I won't be sharing it here.
So, instead I'm going to use this post to reflect on Aestu... idk, just feel like I should say something
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Aestu - Reflections
Aestu came into all our lives like everyone else here, through World of Warcraft. He was pretty darn good at the game (always competent whenever I played with him), and through his rather unique personality and approach became "famous" on Bleeding Hollow. Many players knew who Aestu was, many guilds worked with him at one time or another. He ran PUGs and had more mounts than anyone I ever came across. His meticulous approach to his character was a sight to behold. As were his tirades... like the one time he refused to leave a Black Temple run the guild <HP> was trying to run after they kicked him for being afk... he could be as stubborn and frustrating as he was entertaining.
He was active on forums, and then eventually joined FUBU when it broke off. He eventually was perma-banned here too, and in a twist of irony that would no doubt please him... the forum proceeded to slowly become deserted after that event. I feel confident saying, for his faults, he kept this place lively.
But this was all Aestu the character... the WoW player.... the notorious Paladin Tank from Bleeding Hollow
Aestu the man, who created this avatar, was not well. Throughout his life, he was not well.
His interactions with others were very often contentious, and his personality and actions pushed so many people away (myself included). His relationships with his family members were strained, and he lashed out often about them.... he was bullied relentlessly as a child, and had very clear mental health challenges that his parents attempted to treat with counseling and medication.
Yet interactions with Aestu also had many moments of positivity. Aestu himself could be very kind. One time he sent me a care package with comic books and chocolate he'd picked up at some flea market, just because. There were times on here where some of his comments and screeds put a smile on my face. I enjoyed talking with him more often than not. Were we friends? I don't know... I'm not sure Aestu could really have true friendships... but as much as I may have known about him... there's so much more I didn't know, and will never know.
He was not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination, he was a troubled person. He was suffering... and this suffering was often reflected outward on the world around him. This in turn, magnified his suffering as the world isn't forgiving, and constantly fighting with it is not how you win.
Even though for some reason being told this always angered him, he was intelligent. He was a good writer as well... with an impressive vocabulary and ability to turn a phrase. Even when in the middle of a frustrating circular argument about some silly thing, I read every word he wrote. Occasionally I would look at his Facebook in the years after FUBU was a thing, and even then he would often write long screeds that were entertaining.
We had so many back and forth arguments on this forum about all manner of things.... Aestu had his convictions and a worldview that I will never fully understand. But I do feel I learned from him, maybe that's one reason I kept jumping back into the fray with him.
Looking back though, so much of this confirms just how unwell he was... unfortunately the patterns and ultimate destination of his life only seem clear in hindsight.
I know he tried to do the right thing, he tried to make his life better... whatever obstacles he faced, even those by his own creation, he did persevere. He bought a home, took loads of classes and was trying to reach life goals he set out for himself. He tried.
Whatever you believe about the nature of existence, religion, etc... I feel confident in saying that Aestu is now at peace. I'm saddened that he never ended up getting the help he truly needed, but hopeful that those he is survived by will heal with time.
RIP Ethan.
Last edited by Azelma on Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:25 pm, edited 10 times in total.
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