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Inspired by Al and Tipper Gore. It got me thinking. 40 years....40 years...and they are calling it quits. Seems like such a...shame? Waste of time?

MARRIAGE

In my life, I've seen quite a few marriages break up. My parents divorced when I was 3, so I always had a fractured family life. My aunt and uncle separated about 6 years ago, and are now back together (they never fully got divorced). It seems society puts so much pressure on marriages, and people themselves do the same. Sometimes I think people just want everything to be perfect, lovey-dovey like in the movies...and reality is never like that. Marriage is work.

Speaking of divorce rates...I think it's a shame. People get married to soon nowadays, or they just don't have the commitment. I feel like when you get married, regardless of any religious belief, you are making a commitment to another person to be together for LIFE. For better, or for worse. People today just don't have that kind of commitment. People seem to be too selfish (oh, it's getting tough? fuck this, I'm getting divorced)

"irreconcilable differences" - I feel like I see this all the time in divorces...it's like...yeah fuck this i'm not trying anymore. It's especially terrible when children are involved (trust me on this one... :[ )

I understand that sometimes it's appropriate to get a divorce (infidelity, abuse, etc.) but it just seems so...sad...when people get divorced for other reasons.

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TLDR

1. What do you think of marriage as an institution?
2. Why are divorce rates so high?
3. Do people have unrealistic expectations for relationships?
4. Why did divorce rates used to be so much lower?
5. Do you ever want to get married?

P.S. let's avoid getting into the gay marriage debate here...I just wanna know what you think about marriage itself.

I think its swell.


Our culture is accepting of dishonesty, promiscuity, divorce. Being a whore was once shameful, but not anymore. Also, I'd think children of broken homes would be more likely to get divorced later on in life. (More divorces leads to more divorces, I guess?) Oh, something else I heard on the radio had to do with something about people getting multiple divorces. Once you have one, you're most likely going to have another. I'd love to find that study they were talking about. (Edited Point: I think a lot of this is the result of America's religions becoming less strict.)


I think this is a weird question. Are there ever expectation for a feeling? I think people have expectations (mostly limitations) for relationships and marriages and I think it's very realistic and natural to have those boundaries defined.


Less technology, acceptance and liberalism.
More religion.


I met my wife in Oct. of 2002, got married in 2006, and I hope we stay together for ever. She's friggin' cool as hell.

(Probably worth noting that both me and my wife are from families that have been married for several decades.)

this thread could just be a list of reasons why marriages fail and it would be 6 pages long.

You raise some good points, but I'm not convinced religion is the only thing that has kept marriages together. Sure, if you think that you made a pact with your significant other and the man upstairs, I guess you'd be more apt to stick it out....but eh idk.

Thing is though, I know plenty of religious people who have had their marriages fall apart. Religious people still cheat, still are abusive, etc, just like non-religious people.

I think it comes to a whole societal thing. We live in such a ME-based society, I think people are just like "well this isn't making me perfectly happy, I'm done!" or "I don't want to compromise, i want what I want"

I was talking to my grandmother about this recently, and she made the comment that back in the day people "just didn't get divorced." It just something you didn't do. You stuck it out.

My wife and I have been married for 12 1/2 years. We married when we were both fairly young (21) but we are both the oldest child of three and both of our parents were divorced. My mother has been married and divorced three times and her father just recently remarried. Being the oldest children of single parent homes ( she was raised by her father and I by my mother) we had much more responsibility that most our age.

We have two children and before we even thought of having them we made sure that we understood that we were not going to put our kids through the whole single parent life that we went through. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my childhood for the world, it made me the man i am today, but there are times that I needed my father there and she needed her mother, not on the phone but we needed them there for a hug, pat on the back, or to kick us in the ass.

We have had some of those fights where one of us would be moments away from packing a bag and saying fuck it, but we worked through them. We make sure to make time for ourselves, I have WoW, she has shitty tv programs and her books (the shitty tv is actually the whole reason I started playing WoW, fuck reality tv). We make time for the kids even if its sitting around watching spongebob or going to their sporting events.

Marriage is not for everyone, evident by my mothers three divorces, but if you work at it and take the time to work things out when there are problems it can be the greatest thing that has or will every happen to you.

9 level 90s and 10 85s, Damn I need another hobby.

Azelma - I wasn't really saying religion is the reason people stayed together as if religion is some glue... but, I think the devaluation of religion in our society helps create the 'me-based society.' It's no longer about the collective but, like you said, the individual. I think you're right on target with that statement. I just feel that in the old days there was more emphasis on religion and the fear of consequence for disobeying the law of religion.

1. Much less strict than it used to be. Which is for the better. People show that they are committed when they stay together, unlike before where I could probably beat you and to save yourself being branded a whore, being hated by God, or whatever, would take it.

2. There is no repercussions aside from a fee to divorce. So divorce actually is a good thing now if you're in a relationship that sucks. People also get married way the fuck too early. "Hay we've been going out for two years, let's get married at 21!"

3. I don't know what people expect in a relationship. Spending life together always happy? That's unrealistic.

4. Because divorce was considered immoral.

5. Do I want to get married? Not atm. Will I get married? Probably not. But I wouldn't be opposed to it. Only reason I'd get married in a legal sense is to get tax benefits and the ability to sign for/be signed for by my wife (like at a hospital). I wouldn't bother with the ceremony shit unless she really really wanted to.

First off, I'll submit that I've been married for 33 years.

1. Personally, I would like it if there were no marriages. I like the idea that a couple stays together because they want to be together, not because there is some invisible legal bond that was cast upon them by the state. How great would be the feeling that the person you're committed to could leave at any time, if they chose, but they don't... year after year? True, there's always divorce, but the romantic in me enjoys the unfettered choice. Religious ceremonies are fine, imo, but I don't think the state should become involved. Now... I realize this is not possible because there are unavoidable complex issues involved in common property, children, inheritance, even pets. Laws are in place to protect the rights of both parties, in the event they fall "out" of love, so romanticism aside, I think couples should live together for a couple of years, avoiding any large investments, having children, etc. Then, they should sit down and have a frank discussion of their futures. If both see the other as a future fixture, then they should marry. If they stay together, it won't matter, but if they ever break up, it will REALLY matter then. All of this doesn't even factor in common law marriages which are recognized in many countries which grant rights to couples akin to legally married couples in the event their relationships end. In certain places, if you live together, and do things, that married couples do, you're married.

2. I think there are multiple factors at play here. More and more people come from divorced homes, and while they can point out why it sucked for them growing up, they also realize that everyone survived, and they might even recognize some positives as they mature. This makes divorce familiar, and less frightening, imo. Also, we are beset on all sides to consider our own happiness first. "Don't stay in a relationship where you are unhappy!" I think this makes people pull the trigger too early on divorce, and makes them less likely to want to work at saving their marriages. Pervasive media who analyze the minutiae of the lives of every celebrity, especially divorces, make it seem like a normal thing to do. Also, more religious acceptance reduces the pressure to stay married.

3. This is too changeable to quantify. But, I think you can't really know/love someone until you've lived with them for a significant time, interacted with their family, interacted with their friends, seen how they keep house, seen how they care for money, slept with them, and had them as your only lover for a long time. Do you still think it is cute when she farts in front of your friends... for the tenth time? Can you overlook that he spends $75 every Thursday night at a strip club with "the guys" then comes home looking for sex at 2am? She loves/wants a brood; he wants no kids. Don't be afraid of putting your "love" to the test. Better to discover the deal breakers early than too late.

4. Religion, and societal pressures. The "stigma" of being a divorced woman used to be a serious setback.

5. Remarried? Never. If my wife died, or we somehow ended up divorcing, I would never remarry.


Sorry for the wall.

Boredalt - 80 Dwarf Priest - Dissension

1. Marriage is part of a people's culture.
2. Western culture is on the decline.
3. Expectations are set by an individuals culture.
4. There used to be higher cultural standards.
5. I wouldnt join a club that would accept me as a member.

1. What do you think of marriage as an institution?
-Meh, it's okay i suppose.

2. Why are divorce rates so high?
-Because in modern society it is more viewed as "something you have to do" with a area of "now divorce is socially acceptable", in later years divorce was a last option which few people took seeing as the belief was things will get better over time.

3. Do people have unrealistic expectations for relationships?
-This question depends on the age bracket and maturity of the individuals involved. For the most part, in the younger years from about 18-24 ish people seem to believe that the relationship will last forever regardless of what differences these 2 people share. After that period of time the hard stuff settles in and during this time many people find themselves divorcing due to mistrust and other issues related with their partner that they could not overlook, usually i'd say 24-40's). After that if a relationship can make it that far without a divorce, i think that the couple have learned to overlook each others problems and learn about their own problems as well and learned to deal with it.

4. Why did divorce rates used to be so much lower?
-See question #2

5. Do you ever want to get married?
-Maybe i suppose, for me marriage would be cool it's just finding an individual that i would risk hell and high water for, and not lowering my standards (another common problem that results in divorce)

Engi-nerd

All I will say is a lot:

*You should never get into something that you'll later need a lawyer's aid to unravel.

*Marriage is about trust, and people are generally untrustworthy and unreliable.

*Sex with the same woman gets stale after a long period of time no matter how you feel about her. This wouldn't matter if we still only lived 35 years max, but...after five or ten years, shit gets old.

*Marriage is no longer a spiritual/religious union so much as it is a way to advance oneself financially, politically, and/or socially. As such, everyone is looking to "trade up" to a better partnership.

*Due to romance novels, stupid chick flicks, and media in general, women have, to be as frank as possible, some dumb ass ideas about relationships, men, and life in general. Since most marriages somehow involve a woman, this dumb-assery leads to unrealistic expectations that aren't met because they're unrealistic, which leads to hate and discontent which leads to divorce. Essentially, like all the evils in the world, it's the woman's fault.

*Economics force people together who should never have gotten married in the first place, since it is impossible to live in this country comfortably without multiple incomes.

I'll leave it at that.

Your Pal,
Jubber

AKA "The Gun"
AKA "ROFeraL"

World Renowned Mexican Forklift Artiste

1. What do you think of marriage as an institution?

I think in this day and age it is more of a financial move than anything else given the insanely high divorce rates. The change in tax brackets alone makes it a desirable financial move. Once upon a time it might have been about love and dedicating yourself to a life with someone else but these days its more about status and money than anything else.

2. Why are divorce rates so high?

Because its no longer taboo to be on your X-th husband/wife anymore, as others have said people are so focused on themselves that they will jump ship at the drop of a hat. It used to be that if you were twice or more remarried that people would look at you funny and talk about you behind your back, such is not the case these days (they do it in front of you via facebook/twitter/whatever).

3. Do people have unrealistic expectations for relationships?

Hell yes they do, they suck down movie after movie or read trash paperback books which paint this unrealistic picture of life; after digesting so much nonsense they start to believe thats how life really works.

4. Why did divorce rates used to be so much lower?

See the answer to number 2.

5. Do you ever want to get married?

Coming from a split family unit and seeing friends who by their late 20s have already been married and divorced once has pretty much set my mind against ever taking on something as risky as marriage, that and my overwhelming distrust of most people. Giving some woman a chance to steal half of everything I own and garnish my wages for the rest of my natural life isin't exactly very high on the priority list.

Depends on what you mean by it as an institution? As a civil structure to grant rights to couples, offspring, etc, I think it's great.





Weena nailed my belief on why divorce rates are so high aptly. I'm 19, and have 3 friends under the age of 21 whom are married, and another who is engaged. - I'm sorry, despite how much the person they married 'loved' them throughout highschool, this isn't going to work in the long run. Hell, I almost got engaged after graduating, but it fell though - something I'm pretty damn thankful now. You just really don't know people after dating for 2-3 years.



Yes. At least in in the USA. Our media glorifies relationships that really shouldn't be glorified, and a lot of my generation don't really know what to expect in our first relationship(s). It's all about sex and money, and not really about love or building a partnership or friendship.



It was harder to get one. And the repercussions for a divorced woman were much more severe than they are now, which helped discourage it.



Yes.

edit: I'm going to touch upon a subject that might get an interesting conversation going, dunno.

I've become of a fan of late, of abolishing 'marriage' as a civil/legal act entirely. Let the religions keep their marriages, but if you want your partnership to be a legally binding contract, it has to be a civil union - which would be blind to the sex of the couple.

As I noted in my post, I'm totally on board with this idea. End the obsolete concept of "two people becoming one", at least in the eyes of the state. What these people believe religiously, whatever. However, in order for this to come to pass, there would have to be an entire restructuring of the processes that protect the rights of both parties in the event of a break up. Partnerships would have to have pre-nups that lay out the ground rules. Hmm. Sounds like lawyers win again. Also, any benefits granted to people simply by virtue of calling themselves married would be lost... otherwise the state is back in it again. Still...I agree with the concept.

Boredalt - 80 Dwarf Priest - Dissension

My dad, me and my step brother had a discussion about this exact thing not long ago.