This reminds me of the time I was shipwrecked on an unknown island, amidst a chain of them. We now know them now as the Virgin Islands. In retrospect, I think I should have named them after I rolled around her sandy bosom, because I'd have given them a different name - a name that made more sense today.
Anyway, I'd been traveling with Captain Crotchrot fer about a number of months. Crotchrot was a great captain, in almost every sense of the word. Brave, well, more like fearless. Brave men bring themselves to overcome their fears, Crotchrot was batshit insane and simply didn't give a damn. He could drop lead between yer eyes from the bow while you stood atop stern. Clever as a fox, quick as a rabbit and strong as an ox. Old Cappy was either drinkin, fightin or fuckin - alot of fuckin... where do you think the name comes from? Grog rots yer gut, not yer coinpurse.
As great as the Captain can be, he's not a match for Mother Nature. That time of the month, that bitch lashes out. You get quakes when she tantrums, and waves when she pouts. On that day, she hissed and yelled with all of her clout.
Look at me, I'm a fucking poet.
The thunderstorm came in a flash. The wind blew and galed, waves kept on crashing. There was no way our ship, Mary Jane Rottencrotch, could take a pounding like that. Which is saying alot, if you know what I mean. But now I have to figure out how that metaphor fits. How can Mother Nature pound Mary Jane without a penis? Well that's not important.
The crew scurried across the deck, pulling tows and dropping lines. Many were swallowed by the sea, even before the ship went down. Thunder roared in the midnight sky, and rain pounded us like nails into the deck. Through it all, I find it amazing; up on the deck with a grin on his face, Crotchrot's going nuts and I can hear everything he says. Even through the clash of thunder and swath of waves.
Oh hay my queue's done.
"Ok we aren't such things and birds are pretty advanced. They fly and shit from anywhere they want. While we sit on our automatic toilets, they're shitting on people and my car while a cool breeze tickles their anus. That's the life."
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