Azelma wrote:
I understand your approach, I just don't see how it benefits you in any way.
That is the problem. You are examining the approach based on a faulty premise, that self-interest is what drives me. I am at some level very idealistic. I truly believe that people have a moral obligation to do their part to change the world by talking about things.
And it does work. Very slowly. That is how opinions evolve and the world slowly progresses. It has happened in the past and it continues to happen every day.
There is a benefit that is also lost on you. Conflict is inherently beneficial. Beliefs and approaches are challenged, tangibles are better understood, experience is gained. I've gained a great deal of wisdom and experience from challenging things when I could have not done so.
Azelma wrote:
I'm not being harsh, but when you sit there and tell us how lonely etc. you are...then you cling stubbornly to this approach that you know turns a great many people off....it just seems stupid.
Merely because I dislike something does not mean I see it as a problem that needs to be solved.
Azelma wrote:
The world is not black and white....not everyone who would be your friend is just trying to kiss your ass, so putting on this confrontational song and dance is just shooting yourself in the foot.
You're right, it's not. Likewise, merely because someone is the object of confrontation - friendly or otherwise - does not mean they are evil or wrong. Confrontation is a good in and of itself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AgonismAzelma wrote:
I think Zaryi is the most perfect example of your strategy ultimately failing you. Obviously it's he-said she-said...but I know at least part of you really did (and probably still does) care for her on some level. You liked when she came and visited you. Yet, she, like all people, is not perfect and has very clear flaws. In your effort to help her and fix these flaws (and maybe protect yourself?), you pushed her away....blew the whole thing up, so now only ashes remain. What was the point?
I am guessing you are proceeding on the basis of what Zaryi told you. Not only is it untrue, it's contrary to truth.
I did like it when she came and visited me. I had also been wary of it because I was concerned that it might not change our relationship for the better; the status quo had been acceptable. I was right in the end, although it wasn't immediately obvious.
I did try to help her fix her flaws. I gave up when it became increasingly clear that there was nothing more that could be done and I wasn't willing to accept them in the relationship. It was a simple, equivocal decision.
The relationship didn't "blow up". After we ceased to be romantically involved, I continually tried to mend fences with her. She affected interest while behaving in a shallow and manipulative manner. I didn't like being used for her gratification, so I walked away. It was and is unfortunate.
Would I have done some things differently? Sure. But, as some guy said, there's a difference between an error and a mistake.
Azelma wrote:
inb4 Aestu calls me a moron kiss ass who knows nothing about anything.
And I didn't. Actually, didn't even occur to me to do so. What does that indicate?